Welcome to my happily ever after...
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my, how things change
Wow....I haven't gone back and looked at any of my old entries in a while. I discovered something very interesting...remember the guy that I'm so hung up on these days? The one that I just described as both lost and beautiful? Heh....listen (or read) to this:
On my entry from 12/05/05, I wrote about a "meth guy" that came over to my house, and how freaked out I was. Well, I knew they were one and the same guy, but it is simply amazing how my description of the guy from the time when I was still sober changed into the way I describe him now. He went from "meth guy" to "beautiful lost boy" in just a little over a month. After that day at my house, a few days later I met some guys online that asked me over, and that guy was there. From now on he shall be known as Keith. Well, Keith and I acted like we were old friends, partly because neither or us knew the guys whose house we were at, and we then kept in touch after that night. That is if you consider chatting back and forth on manhunt keeping in touch. Well, one day he came over to my house to hang out, and we ended up messing around just the two of us. I allowed him to use around me despite my efforts to stay sober, and to me it constitutes a relapse on my part. This guy was so different than the other guys I'd met while using in the respect that he had a good job, and car, and a house. He couldn't be that big a mess, could he? The answer is yes.
From that day on, we would spend every night together, and I loved having him around. We would snuggle and hug and kiss, and people would always comment and say "dude...when did you get another boyfriend?". I just found him somewhere along the way.
He would always get upset with me because I always had a house full of people, and I would always tell him "just hold on...this isn't me, I promise. Get off the drugs and show me what you're really all about".
I always figured that I would be the one that ended things. I was shocked one day when he got all weird on me and didn't show up at my house one night. When I pressed him as to why he was doing me that way, he gave me a laundry list of reasons why we shouldn't date...I had just gone through a breakup, blah, blah.
So basically I was the one that kept protesting having another boyfriend so fast when he was pressing me to date, and then when I start developing strong feelings for the guy, he just disappears. I still get a sharp pain in my stomach when I think about Keith. I even asked him over to my house Saturday night under the pretense of seeing his new car just so I could see him again. Like I said in one of my entries, I knew when I kissed him as he left my house that it would be our last. That hurts more than I could ever begin to write in words....
Hey, just like it did with Lucas, my boyfriend that I broke up with last April! I think I'm sensing a pattern here.
1:38 p.m. - 2006-01-24
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