Welcome to my happily ever after...
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If I am friends with someone longer than 6 months, I know that we will be friends for life. My friendships tend to never last longer than about 2 or 3 months because once someone has disappointed me, I never really get over it. I didn't realize I did this until I got sober, but I must say that realizing that I do it doesn't really prevent me from still doing it.
Let me tell a little story: back in December, I met an online friend through my other blog that I developed a fast relationship with. He lived in Iowa, so we never actually met in person, but we talked on the phone every day, and emailed back and forth numerous times throughout the day. One of the things I thought was really fun is that we took pictures of our apartments and of our town so the other could get an idea of how the other lived. It also somehow morphed into a bit of a flirtation.
Anywho, the first week that we started talking, I told him that I apologized in advance, but I knew that something would happen that I'd get upset about, and I knew that our friendship wouldn't last forever. He didn't get it, and I just said "trust me". Self-fulfulling prophecy? Sure enough, when I found out that he had begun dating a fellow blogger friend of ours, I felt betrayed. Why exactly I felt betrayed is beyond me because I live 1000 miles away from him and there was no chance he and I would ever date. Yet as close as I thought we were, I couldn't understand why he wouldn't have shared this with me. I haven't talked to him in 3 months despite that he's tried to get in touch with me. I detached months ago, and I know this is wrong.
I do however have one person in my life...an ex-boyfriend actually....that for some reason I let keep kicking me when I'm down, and yet I keep going back for more. I can't figure out why this is. I made my amends to him when I did my 9th step, so I should be over that feeling that I owe him something. Hmm.
8:22 a.m. - 2007-04-23
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