Welcome to my happily ever after...
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progress
I get my feelings hurt easily, and this is probably one of the biggest areas I need to work on. I'm not sure what in particular made me decide to write this, but it is something that I've been thinking a lot about lately. I know that 99% of the time when I feel hurt about something, it wasn't someone's intention to make me feel that way, but rather just something I most likely took the wrong way.
For example, when I was in college, a "friend" told me that my ass of my jeans always looked like I'd taken a dump in them. Ever since that moment, when I'm buying new jeans the first thing I do is look at my ass in the mirror to see if it looked like I'd pinched off a loaf.
Another example: a few months ago someone told me that considering I dress nice, they were surprised that I had such bad taste in decorating. ehh.
These days I find myself asking myself things like "Is what they are saying true? Does it matter? Will I shrivel up and die because they think I'm not perfect in some way?"
No. No. And NO.
See, I'm a pleaser, and I always have been. I can make people like me if I please them, you see. Is there anything I can do to please you? Please?
In the last few months since I've been sober, I've learned how to make friends and be around others. But I've also learned that after that boyfriend breaks up with me, after I fight with my mother, after my friends drift away, the one thing I still have is ME. No matter who comes and goes in my life, I still have me.
Of course I still worry what people say about me and that they GET ME, but I like to think that it isn't my only purpose in life anymore. I had to learn to fall in love with me. And I'm getting there slowly.
That my friends is fuckin' progress.
12:28 p.m. - 2007-04-25
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