Welcome to my happily ever after...
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let the games begin
Here we are at a weekend, and this is going to be my first real test in a long time. I haven't been alone on a weekend since I've been sober, and I don't quite know what to do with my time. Tonight I really need to attend a meeting, and I think I'm going to the late one at 9:30. I haven't been to one since Monday night, but I'm finding that the ones I've been attending are way too crowded for my taste. I'm still dipping my toe in the water, and I find that I get very nervous sitting there under those flourescent lights for an hour. The one tonight also is a candlelight meeting, obviously meaning that they turn off the lights and hold the meeting by candlelight. I look so much better by candlelight. Heh.
Lately I've been trying to get back in touch with Carlos. Well, he and I haven't really had much to do with each other since we broke up two years ago, but I've been trying to get to know him since I've been working on getting sober because I don't know if I ever really knew him at all. I've emailed him for a while, and he never really has much to say of any importance. Nor does he ever....ever....ask how I'm doing. When I ask him to go do something, like see a movie, he tells me that he's too busy with all the parties and other social things he's got going on. About the only thing that I can get him to agree to is meeting me at the gym, but again, he was planning on going anyway, so it's really just me showing up while he's there.
I think I am also trying to somehow make amends for being such an asshole while we were dating. I know that I can never fully do that, but I have been making to effort to at least try, and he's not responsive to it. So the question is, how many times do you try with an old acquaintance before one finally gives up? I think I might possibly be done with him. I tried, he won't bite, and I know that I did what I could.
Wish me luck this weekend.
6:35 p.m. - 2006-03-31
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