Welcome to my happily ever after...
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broken wing
I really should have gone to a meeting tonight. Really. I just didn't want to run into Michael tonight because tonight they have the Al Anon meetings at the same center when my meeting takes place. I'm going to end up running into him sometime though, so I need to get over it now, but it's tough.
I hate that when I'm in a relationship, staying sober is a piece of cake. As soon as it ends (and it always does), I'm white knuckling it every night in an effort to stay sober just one more day. It sounds like I need a relationship 12 step program as well, no?
That's my first project that I need to work on: managing to stay sober while single. I need to make sure and stay single for a long time so I can work on this. My brain is programmed to constantly look around for potential boyfriends when I'm single...for example, I have met some cute, CUTE boys at the meetings. Every time I shake their hand, I get this flash in my head wondering if they are single. Then I think that if we were together, we could conquer this disease, just the two of us. AARGH! I can barely take care of myself right now...why do I feel the need to add another person to the mix? Because misery loves company.
I've always been that way to an extent. I tend to date guys that need my "help" in some way or another...birds with a broken wing. That way I guess I feel needed, plus it sure is easier to worry about someone else's problems instead of my own.
I'm sick I tell you.
8:17 p.m. - 2006-03-28
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