Welcome to my happily ever after...
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brainwashed
Well, I took in my second AA meeting tonight, and it went well. I sat there terrified that they might call on me and make me talk because I am definitely not ready for that by any means. However I have met some nice people, and I think that I'm doing the right thing. One interesting tidbit is that I have been in meetings with Michael's roommate, who I have always really liked, but that is weird to some extent. I haven't really known what to say either night other than just making small talk and then moving along.
Tonight driving home from the meeting I decided to call Michael and see how he is doing. I figured that he might actually call me first, however I have to keep in mind that I essentially broke up with him and not the other way around. He knows as well as I did that us continuing to date would have ended up somewhat akin to the Hindenberg, however given the chilly reception I was given, I guess I just need to leave him alone and let him deal. I hate that I might have fucked up something that could have been good, however I had to get out for a while for the sake of finding out who I am first. One of the things I told Michael was that I would still like to see him, but I wanted to take things down a few notches and have things much more casual between us.
Hey, didn't I just compare our relationship to the Hindenberg? See how my mind works? I hate him, I love him. Repeat as necessary. But ya know....this isn't about Michael. This is about me...and that's what I'm going to concentrate on for a while.
This is where I guess I should say some trite expression I've learned in AA such as "let go and let God", but alas, I'm not that brainwashed yet.
9:53 p.m. - 2006-03-27
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