Welcome to my happily ever after...
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C U Next Tuesday
I'm in a weird mood today so watch out.
Did anyone else out there see Dolly Parton on the Oscars the other night? OMG....I totally want to have her babies. On the red carpet at one point, she said something about being thrilled to actually wear something besides costume jewelry, and it made me love her even more. I wish she'd adopt me and we could live at Dollywood and play dress-up all the time and she could sing 9 to 5 to me every morning when I'm getting ready for work. One can dream...
Has anyone checked out mackaj? I want to have babies with him too but my baby daddy living in Australia might be a bit far. He looks really hot in red boxer briefs though...hee hee.
Oooh, speaking of baby daddy, this season of ANTM is going to be off the heezy. My favorites are Nnenna and Furonda. I like Nnenna because she's my Nigerian homegirl, and Furonda because I smell drama enamating from her pores. Plus, her name is Furonda.
Did I write about my friend Kevin that sent his Ken Ryker dildo off to the cleaners with his clothes? Apparently he and his BF were using it and wrapped it up in a towel and threw it in the laundry basket. They are lazy fucks and send all their clothes to the cleaners to have laundered, and his BF thought he'd be nice and just take the laundry without being asked. When he told Kevin he had dropped them off, Kevin shrieked "did you take Ken out of the basket first?!!". Umm....no.
The best part: they got a letter when they picked up their clothes saying to "please remove all toys from the basket before dropping off the clothes".
I heart that story. I'm just glad that it didn't happen to me.
Here at work, we have a program called Sametime installed on our puters which enable us to write back and forth. I share a cubicle with a woman named Rhoda, and she and I write back and forth on Sametime because otherwise everyone would be able to overhear our conversations. This little ditty of a conversation transpired today about one of our coworkers (that I don't particularly care for).
Rhoda... She pissed me off but I didn't let her know it.
Jonathan pissed you off about what?
Rhoda... about how I needed to work overtime (for straight-time pay) because you and I do nothing but play all day.
Jonathan she's just jealous that we have fun and she's got a thorn bush up her twat
Rhoda... C U Next Tuesday
Jonathan or Thursday if you're lucky
Jonathan I bet her vag is like a venus flytrap and snaps shut if anything comes near it....
Jonathan Either that or she hasn't waxed since 1987....like Cousin It.
Rhoda... She said last night that even though she doesn't have to have sex all the time, the men she's with always tell her how good/sensual she is. Yep, loose lips....gag
Rhoda... I think she needs her garden pruned
Jonathan ooh, gross! I bet she's bossy in bed though...for example "Cooter...I told you not to mess up my fucking HAIR!"
Rhoda... I bet she has a whip and cuffs
Jonathan she has to use the cuffs to keep the guy there after she gets naked....
Anywho, here's your advice for the weekend: You never count your money when you're sittin' at the table. There'll be time enough for countin' when the dealin's done...
I'm done.
1:15 p.m. - 2006-03-10
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