Welcome to my happily ever after...
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date tonight!
Well, I went to that budgeting seminar yesterday with my friend, and it turned out boring as all getout. When it was finally done at 1:00, I ran out the door and zoomed home as quickly as possible. I then napped most of the afternoon, only stopping once to watch a couple more episodes of Project Runway.
Maddey then came and picked me up around 6:30, and we went and ate barbecue at Hickory Hollow. She'd never been there before, and they had some really great woman performing. I loved her voice. After that we went to the Daily Grind and had lattes. It was really great to see her.
We'd talked about going to the Basquiat exhibit at the Museum of Fine Arts today, and she said that she was going to call and let me know what plans were, but in true Maddey fashion, I never heard from her. Little shit.
So around midnight I decided to log onto gay.com out of boredom. There was a guy named Michael on there that I've flirted back and forth with for years. Before I knew it, I'd asked him out for coffee tonight, and when it was all done, I was like "how did that happen?". So now I have a date tonight, and I'm freaked the fuck out over it. I'm still all woozy and weird about being around new people still, and I know that I'll have to address my recovery. If I went out on a date with someone that was in recovery, I would want them to tell me from the start rather than find out through my friends later when I mentioned who I'd gone out with. So I'm faced with a dilemma. Leave me a note and tell me what your thoughts...do you think this is something that I'm obligated to tell from the start? I am thinking that I'll refrain from disclosure tonight, then if things progress to a second date, then I'll come clean.
So I'm meeting him at Empire Cafe tonight at 7:00. Wish me luck.
So much for trying to stay single for a while, right? Geez. What is it about me that I feel like I have to have a boyfriend at all times? I've become one of those girls that I hate.
Update on the losers: Greg has been on manhunt continuously since Friday. Why the fuck he came over here last Sunday, gave me my Christmas present, and then lay on the couch with me all afternoon watching movies is beyond me. It's almost like he wanted to see if I was still interested, and then if I was, then he could be the one to show me up. I don't know what else to think.
Now Keith. I've seen him on manhunt a few times this weekend as well. I think my comment telling him how disappointed I was in him for being on manhunt after he cancelled our date was the final straw with him, as it was it with me too. In my seminar yesterday, I doodled the following on my notebook:
I deserve better than this.
And I know that I do....I know it! So why don't I act like it? Recovery makes me a blobby mass of low self esteem. Shouldn't it do the opposite? Why do I let people use around me when I'm trying so hard to stay sober? I can't blow it all now!
Ok, I'm off the get all beautiful for my date. I'll recap here tomorrow.
5:14 p.m. - 2006-01-29
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