Welcome to my happily ever after...
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KUNT
Well, last night was another bust. Remember that Keith was supposed to come over and us go out to dinner and then watch a movie? Well, I called him on my way home from work, and he called back around 6:00 saying that he was freaking out about potentially getting laid off at work, and he asked if we could do it some other night. Last night as I went to bed, I had a fleeting thought of getting on manhunt just to see if he was online, and then I decided that ignorance might be bliss in this case. I think though that I will abide by the "three strikes and you're out" rule with him. He only has one more strike left.
In Keith's defense though, perhaps he really was worried about work, however it's amazing how drug users always have some sort of DRAMA! going on. I think when one does drugs, drama comes about one of two ways: 1) from really bad decisions you make when you are using, or 2) from letting things fester until the point they become critical. Perhaps #1 brings about #2, but I don't care on delving deep into this speculation.
Anywho, then I decided on Plan B, so I called Greg to see what he was doing. This time I tried a different tactic and flat out asked him if I could take him out to dinner, and he told me that he just didn't have time because he needed to go tan. Okey dokey. This morning I sent him an email asking him if I was just imagining that he wasn't wanting to spend time with me. This confuses me because why would he come on Sunday and bring me a Christmas present and spend the afternoon lying on the couch with me? Why would he send me all those emails telling me that he wasn't going to let anything happen to me? Huh?
His response to my email?
its not that im blowing you off ...ive had stuff to do ...but im sure you noticed im very reserved ...to some extent i feel like emotionally im dead inside i have been hurt so much in the last few years it will be a long time before im willing to put myself in a position where i can get hurt again
Dead inside?
(As an aside, note the lack of punctutation and capitalization. When I made a snide comment to him about this last week in an email, I was told that he'd rather concentrate on being a nice person than on spelling words right...unlike SOME people. hee-hee.)
I simply couldn't let him have the last word on that, so I wrote back saying that the ball is in his court now, and that I'm not asking him to do anything going forward. I also threw in something telling him to have a nice weekend because I had plans the whole time. This is a crock of doo-doo on my part....my only plans for the whole weekend are to go have dinner tonight with Maddey, and the chances of that coming to fruition are about the same as my becoming America's Next Top Model. OOH, OOH....speaking of, that starts again on March 1st! I now have a reason to get out of bed in the morning.
Anywho, Greg's bad attitude hasn't changed one iota, and even though I don't know WTF an iota is, it can't be very much. I think it's a Greek letter actually. Chi Iota Gamma. CIG. I could use one right about now.
Let's make some fraternities and sororities that spell out bad words:
Phi Alpha Gamma = PhAG
Tau Iota Tau = TIT
Delta Iota Kappa = DIK
Chi Upsilon Mu = CUM
Did I ever tell you about the University of North Texas (UNT) radio station? Well, you know how radio station broadcast letters always start with K? I always hoped that their station would be called KUNT, but no such luck. It's KNTU. The FCC takes all the fun out of everything.
The first half of my entry as to why it seems like I'm always bugging people to hang out with me. I need babysitters at this point of my recovery, and unfortunately I alienated my usual suspects.
Which leads to me to talking about some of the people that I originally used with and still hung out with during my last sobriety attempt. I have an acquaintance named Allan that I always thought was one of my biggest cheerleaders. Well, looking back, all Allan ever wanted to do when we got together was talk about when we were using, who we used with, where we got the stuff we used, etc. He called me on Sunday and wanted to talk about these same things. I told him that I would really like to change the subject, and that I didn't need to be talking about these things at this point in my life. After we hung up, I got a text message from him with one word: thanks. After repeated attempts to find out what he was thanking me for, I have now figured it out...he was facetiously thanking me for not talking to him about drug use. I assume this is just proof that I am going to have to completely disassociate myself from anyone that I used with, and I'm afraid this is going to have to include Keith also. I mean, Keith even did a bump of K sitting on my couch the other night. Granted I was in the other room when he did it, but still...I'm a bad enough influence on myself....I don't need any outside influences.
So I presume that I'll be watching a crapload of movies this weekend, cleaning house, washing some clothes, and trying my damnest to stay off the internet. As much as I love the net, it has been my downfall for the last 10 years in some form or other.
10:51 a.m. - 2006-01-27
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