Welcome to my happily ever after...
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How High
I'm a bit of a gloomy Gus this afternoon. I'm not sure why...LOL, it's certainly not because I didn't get enough sleep last night. Maybe I got too much.
I can't stop listening to the new Madonna CD. I particularly like How High, and I listen to one line over and over:
It's funny how when everybody mentions my name, they're never very nice.
I took it....just about everything except my own advice.
As a result of making friends and enemies over the years, I know that when my name comes up, people don't have very nice things to say about me. Just like the Madonna song. It's interesting. When people meet me, either they love me or they hate me. I try so hard to be accomodating and agreeable about everything, yet I'd say about half the time I meet someone new, things turn out disastrous and the person never ends up speaking to me again. So many times in the past I've been so excited to make new friends, then something will happen, and I'll end up with a life long enemy on my hands. This combined with my predilection to share virtually everything about myself with people is a recipe for disaster. An enemy that knows what makes me tick.
.I know that much of the time, I'll say or do something that I think will make people like me more in a situtation, only it will backfire on me and I turn into a pariah. Good example...a few years ago I made friends with a couple of guys that I met out at the bar. We hung out for a few weeks, and it was obvious that I liked one of the guys more than the other. That's just human nature. Well, the guy I didn't like so much had a habit of interrupting me when I talked...you know, the type that is too busy thinking about what he is going to say as soon as you shut you mouth. One night when we were all three at the bar together, I made a comment to the guy that I liked that Mr. Talky never really listened to me when I talked. I said it in a joking way and I thought the guy would think it was funny. As soon as Mr. Talky got back from the bathroom, the other guy told him what I said with me standing there. This caused a chain reaction....Mr. Talky was mad at me, I was mad at the other guy for telling him, and after time, they were both mad at me. I still see them out and about occasionally, and we all just act like we've never met. Lesson learned on this one: never say anything about someone's good friend, even if you think it's hysterical. Things can get ugly.
Another good example....I made a friend a couple of years ago that would ask me to go somewhere with him, he would tell me that he'd pick me up at a certain time, then would show up sometimes up to two hours late. Sometimes he just wouldn't show up at all. I finally had it with the guy and told him that "going forward, if he wanted to make plans with me, he was going to show up on time otherwise I would not be in attendance". That's a direct quote. Same thing. I see the guy around now and there's a bitter chill between us. In this case I ticked someone off for standing up for myself. Lesson learned: try to find a kinder way to say "fucking pick me up on time or I'm not going!".
You know I haven't talked to my former best friend Seth in close to 5 months now. He hasn't even emailed or anything to see how I am doing. That disappoints me. Maddey is the same.....I finally emailed her last week to see what the deal was, and she wrote back that she felt sooo bad about what happened that night at Suzan's. She said she'd call me sometime last week so we could get together and go have coffee, yet she never did. These are friends that I've had up to 15 years, and they don't seem to care how I'm doing. It hurts.
I used to blame everyone being mad at me all the time on the fact that I was a drunk. What is my excuse now?
2:45 p.m. - 2005-12-06
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