Welcome to my happily ever after...
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life is confusing
Get ready for a long entry....I did not have a great Thanksgiving weekend. The whole weekend was spent trying to get along with people, and having to try is very tiring.
I did not particularly care for Greg's family. His sister was such a diva that after 3 days of her, I was ready to wring her neck. She's a lawyer in Chicago, and she spent the whole weekend trying to impress everyone. I now see where Greg got his need to try to impress....his sister was exactly the same way. Did I mention that the LCD TV he bought for his bedroom was so his sister and her BF would have a TV to watch when they were lying in bed? Give me a break.
Greg about killed himself getting everything ready for her visit (new towels, all new bathroom accessories, etc), so it was a match made in heaven. She and her boyfriend had to do everything exactly the way they liked it, and one thing that got to me was that they refused to eat at a chain restaurant. Well, when we were shopping in the Galleria the day after Thanksgiving, we simply could not find anywhere to eat lunch that was not of the chain variety. I was thoroughly over the whole thing.
Greg and I repeatedly bickered back and forth, and he said a few things to me this weekend that hurt my feelings. For example, his sister paid for our dinner Wednesday night, as well as spending over $200 for the Thanksgiving meal. I paid for lunch on Friday, and afterwards Greg asked me why I felt such a need to try to impress them. This was news to me....I just feel that if someone pays my way one time, it's my responsibility to pay the next. I still don't know where he was coming from on that one....I could care less what they thought of me. Also, while we were eating lunch, we were making conversation and I told them that I didn't particularly get a thrill from spending money and that I liked to hold onto it. Greg then told me in front of everyone "You don't have any money....why do you like to make it sound like you are sitting on this big nest egg?". My mouth hit the floor. Greg doesn't have any idea what I have because we don't talk about it.
I also loved it when his sister told me that my Louis Vuitton wallet was a nice "knockoff". Again, I could care less if she thinks it's not real....the issue was that she would have the nerve to say something like that to me.
So now let's talk about my family: My dad has chicken pox, and he called on Wednesday saying that I shouldn't come out on Thanksgiving since I haven't had them before. He asked if I had somewhere to go on Thanksgiving, and I told him that I'd go to Greg's house. Well, five minutes after we hang up the phone, my mother calls. The first words out of her mouth are "I hear that you've found somewhere else to go for Thanksgiving...that was fast." I asked her if she expected me to sit at home by myself on Thanksgiving and she said no, but I know this came from something I was doing wrong. I guess she knew that I was spending the holiday with my boyfriend, and that ate her up.
So yesterday afternoon she called on her way home from my Grandmother's house where she'd spent her Thanksgiving. I tried to make conversation with her, but she was irritated about something. She kept saying "I can tell I'm annoying you...I'm going to go", to which I kept saying "How am I irritated? I'm just washing dishes while we're on the phone." We managed to eke out 15 minutes of talking, then we hang up.
Cut to 7 PM last night....she calls me saying "Well, I made it home ok. I just wanted to tell you how angry I am with the tone you took with me earlier on the phone." This stumped me....I went out of my way to try to be pleasant since something was obviously bothering her. I told her that if something was bothering her that she needed to just tell me what the deal was rather than call and start a fight for some odd reason. She then got all huffy and hung up on me. I still don't know what the real problem was. Because I didn't go home for Thanksgiving? #1, my dad had chicken pox and I didn't want to catch them, and #2, she wasn't even home herself. I just don't get it!
Then not long after I got off the phone with her, Desperate Housewives was coming on TV. Greg was asleep, so I woke him up and said "Our show is on...if you'd rather sleep we can watch it on tivo later and I'll go home and get to bed." He mumbled something I couldn't understand so I said it again. Mumbling again. So I said it again...."Greg...would you rather sleep?". He yelled at me to shut the hell up. I get up, put my shoes on, and I told him that I would gladly shut the hell up because I was going home. He says "I told you that I was going to wake up and watch it with you and you kept saying it over and over again.....I don't get why you can't shut your fucking mouth!".
Oh no, he didn't. I thought I was being nice. So I gathered up my stuff and drove home.
Then after I got home I got to thinking....considering that everyone is mad at me all at the same time that I must be the one being a jerk. Did I start a fight with Greg just because I wanted to go home? I don't think so, but the mind is a tricky place. I have a black belt in starting a fight so that I can do whatever it is that I want to do. I don't even consciously do it. Yet I think that after the weekend's events, I was on edge and over his shit.
So are we broken up for good? Who knows. I think that his actions this weekend were horrible and I need to do some serious thinking about what I'm going to do with him. I also need to consider whether or not I am the one causing all the conflict in my life. Right now I'm not speaking to my best friend of 15 years, Seth. I also haven't spoken to Maddey since mid-September. In both cases, it was because they made me feel uncomfortable and I removed myself from the situation, just like I did with Greg last night. In Seth's case, it was because I went up there to visit and he spent the whole time worrying about his ex boyfriend. After checking in with his ex 400 times throughout the weekend, I was sick of it, so I came home and we haven't talked since other than some text msgs back and forth where he told me that I wasn't doing much for his abandonment issues. Well, I didn't see why when his BF would leave him for one of his friends, why he cared whether or not the ex would come home and find him lying on the couch with me watching TV. Seth told me it was because they promised each other that they wouldn't have boys over to the house they still shared, and he didn't want the ex to come home and find us in bed together. Give me a break! He's my best friend! It's not like I was trying to seduce him or anything, and he knows better than that. I think another big reason is that he wanted to be out at the bar with his friends instead of home with me. In fact, before I even came to town, I told him that I couldn't go out or drink and he said ok. To find a way around that, he went straight to the bar after work and was drunk before I even got to town.
With Maddey, she and her girlfriend Susie had a wine and cheese party one night, and I took Greg with me. Well, after everyone but Greg and me got fall down drunk, I went outside to smoke a cigarette. Soon thereafter, Susie came outside after me and said "Do you think you could maybe slam the door behind you to make it shut? I've asked you twice now and I'm not trying to air condition all of Houston." Well, excuse me. So I told Maddey about it and begged her not to say anything to Susie. Next thing I know, I hear "Susie! Did you yell at Jonathan about not closing the door?!!". The blew up into a knock down argument in the bedroom between the two of them, and I told Greg "Let's get out of here...I don't want to be here when they get back." I was already uncomfortable about being at a party where people were drinking and I was not, then this was just the cherry on top. So Greg and I left and I haven't heard from her since.
My leaving Greg's house last night is going to be the big bone of contention between us. I just don't see the point in sitting there uncomfortable, and after he told me to shut the fuck up, I didn't want to be there.
Again though, am I the one to blame for these fights? I wish I could figure this out.
10:43 a.m. - 2005-11-28
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