Welcome to my happily ever after...
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Cool, Hip, and Sober
Last night I tried to be brave and go to a NA meeting at the church across the street from my apartment, and I got so nervous that I just couldn't bring myself to go inside. I circled the church about 5 times watching the crowd to see who went in, and I just didn't look like I had anything in common with any of them. Later while sitting on the couch, it hit me like a ton of bricks: I have a LARGE thing in common with them.....we are all addicts! Still, walking blindly into a room full of people I don't know sounds like absolute torture. Perhaps I should just go back to going to the gay meetings.
Not much going on today really. I'm meeting Carlos at the gym after work today, and I'm hoping to sweat off a few lbs. I'm getting rather soft as of late. I just can't stop snacking at my desk! Once I leave work, I eat a small dinner and don't snack, but work is my downfall. There are always doughnuts, baskets of candy, brownies/fudge/cookies all over the place. I think it's a secret plan to get everyone super fat in an effort to make up unattractive to others. Then we might be more likely to put in overtime. heh.
I'm reading a book called Cool, Hip, and Sober right now, and I read a chapter last night about the type person that a recovering addict should be with....the "glass is half-full" type. I have so desperately trying to surround myself with the half-full type for months now, and it's hard to find peeps that are like that. Now mind you, I'm definitely not Little Miss Sunshine all the time, but I'm trying.....I'm trying.
Changing the subject, I have my interview next Wednesday to start doing volunteer work for AIDS Foundation Houston. I'm not looking forward to the interview or the orientation, but I think the volunteering itself will be great. I'm looking forward to doing something for someone other than myself.
Ok, here's the part that I don't want to write about, but I know that I have to. Greg and I have not officially broken up, as I think I mentioned in my last entry. Well, when I talked to him last night, he told me that he missed me and wanted to know when he'd see me again. I told him that I'd go see him tonight. I decided that if he ticked me off, that would be the icing on the cake, and I'd be outta there. This morning while driving to work, I got to thinking that I told Greg I'd go see him after work, yet I told Carlos I'd meet him at the gym at the same time. So I called Gary and told him that I wouldn't be out there tonight and I was postponing until tomorrow.
Now I know what you are thinking....what the hell am I doing, right? Well, I might be fugged in the head, but I'm going to give him one more chance. Then if he screws up (which there's a 99% chance that he will), then that's the proof that I'm looking for that things are a lost cause. It was rather odd on the phone last night though....I know he was making an attempt to placate me, but he asked how my day was and other normal questions that people dating ask each other. I'm hoping that perhaps I'm just wrong and he really is a glass-half full type, but down deep I already know the answer.
3:50 p.m. - 2005-11-10
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