Welcome to my happily ever after...
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pros and cons
So I'm a pussy....admitting it is the first step, right? I sent Greg a note on Monday morning listing the things that I'd left at his house, and that I'd like to setup a time where we could exchange our stuff. Well, he called about 6:30 Monday night saying that he didn't mean that he wanted to break up and asked where I got that idea from. Perhaps it was from him telling me that the things that got on my nerves weren't worth working on for our relationship. So I told him that we'd just have to see how things turned out and that I'd talk to him the next day.
So last night after work, I met Carlos at the gym (can you believe it?). There was a kids karate class going on in the group exercise room, and we had a good time watching them. I stayed until about 6:00 and then went home and watched TV. Well, Greg called around 7:30, and our conversation was so strained that I finally told him that I'd just talk to him later.
You know what I'm finding out? I AM DOING FINE!!!! Unlike in the past after breakups when I wallow in my memories, I have been putting one foot in front of the other and keeping on. Sure from time to time I think of something I did with Greg and get a tad wistful, but that's okay and only to be expected for a while. I am doing just fine! In fact, despite our talk the other day saying that we weren't officially breaking up until we figure a few things out, I think it best to end the whole thing.
Let's break this down.
Things I like about Greg:
1) he helped me when I moved out of my folks house
2) he is someone to spend my time with
3) he's not interested in drinking and drugs and going out to the bars
Wow! The things I like about him are the things that I can get from just a regular friend, not a boyfriend! Plus, to quote the great (and newly rotund) Janet Jackson, what have you done for me lately? Not much. He bought me a shrimp cocktail the other day as a surprise. Big deal! He helped me paint my apartment and then move my furniture, but that was in the past. Big deal! I can't hold onto something because of what he did in the past.
Things I don't like about Greg:
1) he doesn't listen to me
2) he doesn't ask what's going on in my life....about my work, friends, family....nothing
3) he's extremely materialistic and tries to impress others with his stuff
4) he has no interest in anything that might improve his life such as religion, spirituality, exercise, etc.
5) I can't get him to drive over to my house because he says there isn't anything to do there, meaning cable TV
6) to Greg, sex is love and love is sex. After we have sex, he is so nice to me that it's almost sickening. Now don't get me wrong, I think that sex is a component of love, but then to me so is being patient and shopping with me for my mom's birthday present. Love is also taking out the trash when it isn't your turn. Love is also doing nice things for your partner without expecting something in return.
When is the last time he kissed me when I walked in the door after a few days of not seeing him? I can't even remember. When's the last time he looked me in the eye and told me that he loved me? I don't think that ever happened. He would say "I wuvvies you" every once in a while, but he also says that to the dogs.
I'm in a toxic relationship. I know what I need to do....so will I actually do it?
10:04 a.m. - 2005-11-09
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