Welcome to my happily ever after...
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liberation
My trip to Dallas was OK....but I have now learned never to go out of town to go visit a friend right after they have a breakup. Everywhere we went, Seth had to text msg his ex so he'd know where we were, presumably in case the ex decided he wanted to get back together with him, he'd know where to go. The cherry on top was that he wouldn't even lie on the couch with me, even with our heads at opposite ends of the couch, because he promised his ex that he wouldn't have any boys over and he didn't want it to look compromising if he showed up. So he lay on the floor when we watched a movie Friday night. I mean, his ex left him for one of their friends and was probably getting lucky at the very moment, and he wouldn't lie on the couch with his best friend of 15 years. Later that night though when he slept on the couch rather than sleep in a king size bed with me for that same reason, I came home. Ugh.
Also, he promised that he wasn't going to want to go to a bar this weekend while I was around, but he figured a way around that: he went to a bar right after work on Friday and was drunk by the time I got to Dallas. I know him better than anyone else on this earth, and I feel like I need to encourage him to get some help because he drinks himself into a stupor every night, yet I know it isn't my place. But I have been there, and I know where he's headed cuz I've been there, done that, got the tux, tie, and cufflinks.
That said, I don't miss drinking at all! Every other time I've gone up there, we got smashed out of our minds every night I was there. This time, it was so great going up there and waking up both Saturday and Sunday mornings and not feeling like complete crap.
Do I miss meth? No, not really. I miss at times the companionship that it brought me as finding someone to party with was never hard at all, however I had an epiphany the other day. You may laugh at how elementary it is, but for me it was shattering;
I don't need drugs or alcohol to get the courage to do whatever it is I want to do. I can hang out with people without the use of drugs. I can make friends without the use of drugs. I can feel sorry for myself without the use of drugs. I can be a huge whore without the use of drugs. I could go on and on and on.....
I don't need them! How fucking liberating is that?
4:05 p.m. - 2005-07-25
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