Welcome to my happily ever after...
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emotions rock
I need to be updating more often. There has been so much going on.
I've been going to Crystal Meth Anonymous meetings with my friend Andrew (he's the one that broke up with me 11 years ago to become a priest), and I really enjoy them as goober-ish as that sounds. Of course, it's just a bunch of gay guys, and we all go to coffee afterwards and talk and hang out. Some of the guys in there are cuuuute! Heh. I'm multitasking. I'm probably going to hell for it, but I came close to hooking up with one of them a couple of weeks ago after the meeting and ditched the hanging out with everyone afterwards. I wonder if there's a rule that "thou shalt not fuck the weak"? Oh well.
I was disappointed that he wasn't there again this week, but there was another hottie there named Jeff that I've flirted with online for ages now. In fact, we just talked about hooking up two weeks ago today....the day I threw in the towel and went home to live with my folks. He has the coolest tattoos going down both arms. Hubba hubba. We talked for a long time after the meeting, and he asked if I wanted to get coffee with him afterwards, but I just couldn't bring myself to hookup after a 12 step meeting! Geez Louise.
Hmm....guess I did the right thing. Also, I have to admit that I haven't felt very sexual the last few weeks.....that had a large part to do with it. I think about sex every once in a while, and then I think about going to eat a hamburger instead, and the hamburger has been winning every time. The only meat I'm wanting to put in this body right now is sirloin. As a result, when I weighed myself last night, I'm now up to a whopping 22 lbs I've put on since the 5th. Yowsers. Next time you see me, I'm going to need my own zip code I'll be so fat. I'm exaggerating of course though....I was down to 120 lbs.
My sugar craving has been out of control! Sat nite before my meeting, I stopped at CVS on the way and ate a king size Snickers and drank a pint of chocolate milk. I've never craved sweets before, and now I wake up in the middle of the night and go down and eat cookies standing there in the dark. I read that processed sugar is the worst thing that I can consume right now, however I want to just listen to my body for a while and give it what it's asking for....within reason, of course. Last night it was asking for a big fat steak, so I had no choice but comply!
I'm planning to go visit my best friend Seth this weekend in Dallas. We plan on being as lazy as possible. I want to lie by the pool and cook ourselves well done and go work out and make pizzas from the grocery store and watch movies and talk about boys and give ourselves facials and wear our PJs and blah, blah.
Then on Saturday night, this guy Eric that I went to A&M with that was on the football team (and I'd sleep with occasionally) is in some sort of competition to be Mr Gay Texas. He called and asked me to come up, and I'm curious to see what a gay beauty pageant is like. The talent competititon alone is going to be worth the cost of the gas going to and from there.....LOL. There is also a dance competition. OMG....I can only imagine. He's 6'4 and 250 lbs, so I can't imagine him being very light on his feet, but who knows? I have a feeling though it's going to be like an elephant wearing a tutu.
So I pretty much have a full fledged gay weekend planned! Tanning, pagents, facials and a dance competition. I don't know if I could handle all that in one weekend. My head might explode!
When Seth asked me what I want to do in Dallas this weekend since bars are obviously out of the question (and what we've always done in the past), I told him EAT. When he asked where, I told him EVERYWHERE! Geez....I lie in bed at night and count Chicken McNuggets instead of sheep...
On a serious note though, I really am doing well. Being sober has been wonderful, and I'm actually feeling emotions and crying and laughing again, whereas before the drugs kept me from having any emotion at all. Saturday night while hanging out with a friend of mine, I actually laughed AND cried at the same time, and I almost went into sensory overload. It was great.
Having emotions again is simply wonderful.
3:11 p.m. - 2005-07-21
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