Welcome to my happily ever after...
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jerking
Friday already. This week has both crawled and sped by at the same time. I think of Monday afternoon, around 4 PM in the afternoon (because Oprah was on), I knew that I couldn't stay in my house or I knew that I'd end up falling off the wagon. At that point, I don't even know if I was even ON the wagon yet, but I knew regardless that I had to escape. So I went to stay with the folks. That lasted until yesterday, and after work I went back to my house.
It went a lot better than I thought that it would. I was surprised that things were the way that I had left them. I fully expected to find that someone had broken in and stolen everything, but everything was in place. Today I need to go home and move anything that reminds me of drugs out of sight, or preferrably throw it all out. I look at it and think about how much money I've spent on some of the things like the power torch (to clean the glass pipes), or even the pipes themselves, and I cringe at the thought of how much money they cost. I can't even begin to think how much money I've spent on crystal itself....I'd venture to say that in the last 6 months, I've easily spent $2500 just on crystal, not counting the other drugs I've found that I like to "cocktail" along with it.
Anywho, I'd give my pipes and stuff to someone that I know would use it, yet I don't want to enable someone to do something they shouldn't.
See how an addict's mind works?
I have a bunch of people that I'd like to see this weekend. I have a couple of guys that I've been keeping on the back burner for a while, and one in particular is a great guy. He's a 3rd grade teacher that just moved here from Indiana, and he's just as nice as can be. He's just a BOY, and a boy in every way....plays on the gay softball league, drives a truck. He and I have messed around a few times, and despite the whole drug thing and that I dated Shelby there for a while, he still is interested in me. I have to wonder though....am I the kind of girl that boys want to date, or the kind of girl that boys want to fuck? I'm afraid that it's the latter, but that's ok. I can overcome that.
You know, I learned something last night! Whenever I get the urge to do crystal, if I jerk off, the minute I cum the urge to do drugs just oozes away with the jizz. heh. But really, once I ejaculate, I don't have any interest in using whatsoever. I should have discovered this sooner. I can think of times when I've played for days, and days, and days without shooting a load. Then once I do, stick a fork in me, I'm done. No more interest in using. This happened to me last Sunday night...I had a couple of hot guys over to play, and for once I actually shot a load during the action. Once I came, I was ready for them to get the fuck out, and afterwards I just showered and went to bed. If I hadn't have cum, I'd have been up for 3 more days, still on that hunt.
So boys, get that pecker out and get to jerking....it's like free therapy. Just do me a favor and make a video and send it to me....
10:15 a.m. - 2005-05-27
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