Welcome to my happily ever after...
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fuck crystal
OMG....I just had the epiphany that I needed! Why am I lamenting over a breakup with someone that didn't like me sober? That means that he didn't like me period....and fuck him for that.
One thing I seriously have got to stop doing is romanticizing the last few months in my head. I have a serious problem with making everything rosier in retrospect, and even times when I was driving to work with one eye open after not sleeping for 5 days, I still sometimes sigh and think "wow...those really were good times.....".
WHAAAATTTT? They were horrible times! I was tired, grouchy, exhausted, strung out.....should I go on? WTF am I thinking?
I did the samet hing with my drinking though. I could have been hanging on the toilet praying to Jesus, but a few weeks or months down the road I'll think "Wow....those were some good times." Aargh!
Tomorrow is Friday...the Friday before a long weekend. It's going to be very, very difficult for me. I already find myself thinking "what am I going to do all weekend if I don't do drugs?". How about SLEEPING? Or EATING? I've done it without drugs for 33 years....why do I need them now? Are they really that entertaining?
NOOOO!!!!
Shit, I was perfectly content one year ago drinking myself into a stupor. Perhaps I can just downshift into that again....at least I sleep and won't lose a ton of weight doing it.
I think back to November 12, 2004. It was a Friday night, I'd consumed maybe 6 beers, and I met a guy named Charles on the net. He comes over and we mess around a bit, and before long we realize that we weren't really into each other. So we get online and come across some guys that want us to come over and "party".....well, fuck, we were partying! We were party animals! Look at how much beer we'd drank! So we pack up our beer and off we go....
At that party I was introduced to crystal meth, and from then my life was changed forever. My life will never, ever be the same.
Fuck crystal meth and fuck that guy that introduced me to it. Fuck both of them and I hope they both rot in hell.
I hope it burns like a muthafuck.
2:02 p.m. - 2005-05-26
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