Welcome to my happily ever after...
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timeline
Well, time for my daily entry. I've been actually enjoying having a place to come and gripe again.
Last night pretty much fell in line with the last few days since I've been staying at the parentals house: I promptly fell asleep after walking in the door. Only this time I varied things a bit...I fell asleep on the couch instead of in the bed. At 8:30 I woke up and realized I was on the couch, so I got up and dragged myself upstairs to bed where I slept all night. This withdrawal is kicking my ass.
Drugs. What a horrible word. How is it that I can both love and hate something so much at the same time?
Withdrawal is something I can't even begin to describe. I am so tired that I can barely drag one foot in front of the other. I have a multitude of little infections such as a sinus infection and what I think is the beginnings of bronchitis. The meth dries my body out to the point that all these infections are there all along, but the lack of hydration keeps them from showing up. When I finally lay off and begin to drink enough fluids to properly hydrate myself, they are pop up unexpectedly. It's super fun....I keep coughing up green stuff.
I've spent my down time the last couple of days at work creating a time line of sorts that documents what has happened to me since February, around the time I met Lucas. Most people could probably give off the exact date they met someone they dated and eventually lived with. In my case, I can't even narrow it down to the exact week. Here's a few highlights:
Feb 14 - Feb 25 : somewhere along this time met Lucas
March 1 : bought new computer.
March 2 -4 : vacation from work. setup wireless network in condo, did a ton of drugs
March 11 - 12 : spent night at Lucas' house for the first time, watched Catwoman. got bored in the middle of the night, got online with Lucas, invited half of Houston over to my house to party. We race back to my house to beat the people we have invited. Orgy all day on 12th.
March 18 : bought ton of meth. Had big orgy at my house that lasted all night and most of the weekend.
March 25 : Beeper duty for work. Beginning of Easter (party) weekend.
March 26 : Had a bunch of people over while Lucas went with his friends to Jungle Lust. Friends converged around 3 AM. Big orgy at my house
March 27 : made decision to lay off meth for a while
April 1 : spent night at Lucas' apt. Still laying off drugs so fell asleep at 8 PM.
April 2 : enjoyed drug free day. Ran errands, got oil changed, went shopping. Talked with Lucas about how wonderful it was to be Saturday and drug free for the first time since we'd met. Had wonderful day with him.
April 4 : made a nice dinner and rented movies. Fell asleep before we could watch movie though because I was so tired from drug withdrawal!
April 12 : went to JRs with group for Lucas' b-day. Had a good time.
April 16 : went to nude beach with Lucas and friend. Went to party at Maddey's that night.
April 17 : got in fight with Lucas at gym because of his attitude. ruined the whole weekend
April 21 : supposed to meet friends at EJs for drinks. Asked Lucas not to drive becaues alcohol aggrevates his epilepsy. big fight ensues. I tell him perhaps he should stay at his own place that night. He goes to EJs alone.
April 22 : when I get home from work, he is packing his stuff up never to return. I never saw him again. broke up. moved out. the end.
That's the highlights of my timeline I am putting together. What I really need to do is a timeline of what I've done since April 22, but frankly I have no idea. I didn't work from 04/10 until 04/24, so that was spent getting fucked up and having indiscriminate sex. The two weeks before that, I have no idea. Sad.
What I also find interesting is that from March 27th thru April 22nd, when we broke up, I didn't do drugs once.....almost a whole month drug free. You'd think that the story would go that I'd have been doing more and more drugs. Nope, not the case. Once I stopped doing drugs, that's when Lucas started acting different and we began to bicker. Guess he didn't really like the real Jonathan.
Another interesting thing: notice how drug usage generally led to big orgies at my house? Once that stopped, Lucas lost interest in sex with me. Interesting. Almost as if he didn't want to be alone with me.
Why am I lamenting over the loss of a relationship that once I stopped doing drugs, he didn't want to be with me?
10:32 a.m. - 2005-05-26
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