Welcome to my happily ever after...
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hurt
My heart hurts. It's been a while since I've had that feeling where someone ran up and kicked me in the stomach. My boyfriend and I have already broken up. Yes, it was like a sparkler....it burns bright fast, then when it begins to fizzle, it's over before you know it. I took this man into my life and my home, and he turned out to be nothing like what I thought he was. Three months down the drain.
His anger issues are like none I have ever seen before, and when he got mad he turned into a completely different person. Last night we were getting ready to go to meet friends out, and he suddenly insisted on driving. This is so out of character for him that I couldn't help but wonder why, so I kept asking why. He won't give, so when it's time to leave, I crack "well, I'll just take my own car since you have a secret agenda as to why you have to drive...", and I thought I was being funny. Well, he turned into fucking Linda Blair, his head spun around, pea soup shot out of his mouth, and he comes back at me and I almost felt like he was going to hit me. When I called him on that, he said something about how I should be glad that he doesn't do what he used to do which was black out and beat the shit out of someone when he gets mad. Oh yeah, that makes me feel much better.....
This isn't the first sign I've seen that should have clued me into his anger issues. We had a mini-spat this past Sunday, and it was pretty much the same thing. We were at the gym, and we literally had to pack up and come home because he was yelling at me in the locker room.
So back to last night: I tell him that he should take his stuff for the night and go to his apartment afterward. He stalks around the apartment taking the weirdest things like his DVD player (?), and then leaves. So I had the house to myself from 7:00 on, and I did exactly what I wanted to do : I sat down, watched Alias, and drank beer. I haven't gotten drunk in 6 months....can you believe that? It was wonderful.....LOL, and it only took 7 beers. So I crawled in bed at 10:00 and slept soundly until this morning.
Hell I gave up my time
For a no good affair
You'd think i'd learned by now
To be taken in
By a perfect stranger
Would that I had the know how
Still more fool me
For kidding myself
That's the way it should be
Maybe I should grow up
Would I feel confined to the same space
Or would I feel that I talked myself into a corner
2:53 p.m. - 2005-04-22
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