Welcome to my happily ever after...
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Rejection is the greatest aphrodesiac
Another job opened up here in my group where I could work with international customers, and I talked with my boss this morning about the possibility of moving over there. I again was told that I am too valuable doing what I am right now, and maybe in a few months I could move to another division doing the exact same thing that I do now. Fuck that shit. Why go do the exact same thing only sitting at a different desk. This place sucks.
Monday morning yet again. I am determined to do things differently than I did last week. I pissed all of last week away, and I am determined to get some stuff done. Namely get the rest of that damn wallpaper off in the kitchen. Every night I'd come home from work and get online and piss the hours away. Perhaps I am desperate for some sort of social interaction, and lately the internet has been my new boyfriend.
I know the internet is a dark and scary place, and I liken it to crack cocaine. Just a taste and it is easy to become addicted.
I have a story:
Back when I was around 8 or 9 years old, I found a gun in my dad's closet. It was a little pistol, and I smuggled it up to my room so I could get a better look. From then on, I would spend hours in my room yelling "freeze" like on Charlie's Angels and watching myself in the mirror.
I was completely mesmerized by that gun...I thought it was the most beautiful thing I have ever seen. It was so black and cold, and I got a shiver ever time I touched it. I knew that I should leave it alone, yet I couldn't control myself. My mom eventually found it in my room when she was cleaning, and she locked it up tight in a hiding place that I never found. I mean, duh...I was fucking playing with a gun. She should have beat my ass.
I find the internet much the same way. I can't control myself.
Speaking of the internet, I went over to that guy's house last night that I met online Saturday night. He was super, SUPER nice. I mean, beyond nice. And he's kinda cute too....just teeny tiny itsy bitsy size wise (and I mean height). I think he said that he's 5'5 and 125 lbs. I'm only 5'9, and I myself feel small quite often like when I go out and I can't see anything for all the tall people around me. However I looked like a giant sitting there next to him.
We watched two episodes of Desperate Housewives, and I have to say it's the best show I've seen on TV in a long, long time. The scene where Kimberly from Melrose Place showed up in her bra and panties at the hotel room and then can't concentrate on sex because the burrito was about to fall off the nightstand made me laugh like a hyena.
Anywho, Thumbelina was super nice, and cute for a midget. I'd go out with him again. I could tell that he wanted me to stay longer, however at 9:15 I was exhausted and ready to get home to bed. I'll email him later and tell him I had fun. There wasn't any sex or kissing or nothing. Aren't you proud? I think he could be a really great friend.
Now let's talk about Jerrod. That bitch never called the whole weekend, even after I left a message Saturday morning. I never did see him online the whole weekend, and that's odd for him. I'm not sure what the deal is...I guess that after spending time with me, he doesn't like me. Isn't that ironic? I know from my own experience, you like someone from afar for a long time, and then when you finally get to be around him or her, they don't turn out to be like what you thought. He said that he'd been waiting over 7 years for me to even say hello, and now he doesn't want to have anything to do with me. I guess maybe I should have just played hard to get, but I don't want to play games.
And back to the internet thing....I must have gotten online at least 50 times this weekend just to see if Jerrod was online. That's not like me! I need to chill the fuck out. I've been muy loco the last few weeks. I'm not even giving this whole single thing a try....I've been on a manhunt for a month now. I've been collecting boys left and right, and isn't it a kick in the ass that the one that I actually like is the only one that isn't paying me any attention? Or is it that I like him because he's the one that isn't making it easy on me? Rejection is the greatest aphrodesiac.
Hmm....now that's something to ponder.
10:21 a.m. - 2004-11-08
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