Welcome to my happily ever after...
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Carlos broke up with me today. Here is what happened.
He went to the gym around 4 this afternoon, so I cooked an early dinner and had it ready when he got back. As soon as he walked in the door, I could tell that something was bothering him, so I asked him if he was okay. He told me no. He said that he's not attracted me anymore and that he doesn't think it's fair to either of us to drag this out. As evidence of his not being attracted to me, he said something to the effect of "Haven't you noticed the last few times we've had sex, you couldn't make me cum?". Well, now that you mention it, perhaps.
He said he wants to be out of our apartment by this coming weekend.
I remember once when I was about 12 years old, I helped my dad put Christmas lights on the house. I guess that one of the bulbs had broken, and when I picked up the strand of lights, I stuck my finger in the open socket. I felt like someone had run up and kicked me in the stomach.
That is how I feel right now.
After he told me he was breaking up with me, I got in the car and drove and drove and drove. Next thing I knew I was in Victoria, Texas, about an hour away. So I took a deep breath, turned the car around and came back to deal with things.
When I walked in the door, he was getting dressed to go somewhere. I went in the bedroom and collapsed on the bed, and before long he came in and sat down beside me. We both cried for a while.
He's gone now. I'm going to spend the night separating our respective belongings.
Funny thing is that I'm not mad. Upset, a bit hurt, but not angry. I mean, has any boyfriend ever put up with as much as I have asked Carlos to? I have no freaking idea how to maintain a relationship, and I've always just relied on that Carlos will bounce back no matter what I subject him to. Now I've had the rug ripped out from under me and I'm not sure how I'm going to handle it.
7:35 p.m. - 2004-09-11
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