Welcome to my happily ever after...
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irrational fears
I was so excited about watching the Simple Life last night. I made my dinner and put it on the coffee table 3 minutes before it started, plugged in the heating pad and got it nice and warm, then settled down to enjoy. The opening credits start, then suddenly I hear:
BEEP, BEEP, BEEP
It's the fucking pager. I missed both episodes trying to take care of an "emergency". Fortunately I taped them for Carlos, so I'll watch them with him tonight. The beeper can suck my nuts for all I care. It's amazing what people consider a life and death situation.
I am so lethargic this week. I usually stop and work out after work at least 3 days a week, and so far I haven't been to the gym since last Friday. I just don't have the energy. I think it's because of the Zoloft because I've never been this physically drained before. If these symptoms don't go away soon, I think I'm going to have to go to the doctor and ask to be put on something else. I've turned into a slug, plus I've gained 5 lbs since last Tuesday when they weighed me at the doctor's office! 5 lbs in 9 days just can't be healthy.
I'm not sure if I even feel anything yet on the meds. In the literature that comes with it, it says that the typical person "feels better" in at least 3 weeks. What does "feel better" mean though? How do I know if I feel better? What is better? Better than what?
I do find that I have been letting things roll off my back a little more than usual. Instead of gnashing my teeth when something gets me riled up, I just quietly seethe a minute and then forget about it. That could quite possibly be a result of having a lot going on outside of work with my family, but who knows.
Speaking of, my dad seems to be doing much better. His temperature is back to normal, however he's still being held in the hospital for observation. This means that we will be celebrating Father's Day in the hospital. I need to come up with something really good for him. But what?
I feel like I haven't seen Carlos in days. Tuesday night I didn't get home from the hospital until 9:30 and then went straight to bed, and then last night he didn't get home until 9:15, and I passed out around 9:30 after taking two Benadryl. It seems to be the only thing that helps me fall asleep at night. He gets upset when he comes home at night late and I go to bed almost immediately, but I can't help it! I have to get up at 5:45 in the morning, and if I don't sleep enough, I'm a mess. I am thinking that I'm going to have to stop taking the Benadryl to sleep though because I wake up in the morning and feel hung over. I've had too many real hangovers to let something like Benadryl make me feel like crap. Conversely, sometimes I'll drink tea to try to stay up late enough to spend a few moments with Carlos after he gets home that late, but then I stay up half the night from the caffeine. I can't win. Tonight he's off work though, so it's going to be quality time-a-rama. I'm definitely going to have to put out big time tonight.
What on earth has happened to Courtney Love? I mean, she's always been a little off her rocker, however she seemed to be cleaning herself up back in the late 90's. I saw a picture of her on Yahoo a minute ago, and she looked horrible. I mean BAD. Think how much money she has made off Nirvana throughout the years. And with all that money, she looks like that. yuck.
I've been thinking a lot lately about things that I'm afraid of. I have a lot of rational fears, as well as a few that I can't quite figure out. Here's a few things that terrify me:
- deep water
- standing in front of a room of strangers
- blind dates
- driving in the rain
- suntan panty hose
- snakes
- heights, a la balconies especially
- burning up in a fire
What are YOU afraid of? I'm curious to know...
9:48 a.m. - 2004-06-17
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