Welcome to my happily ever after...
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the demons find you
I was a lazy fuck last night. I went home and lay on the couch reading until about 9 PM, at which point I went and got in bed to read. Carlos got home from work around 9:45, so I at least managed to stay awake to say hi to him, then I turned out the light and crashed. I went to Barnes and Noble yesterday on lunch with a coworker, and I stumbled across a book that I bought called Dry by Augusten Burroughs. I was transfixed reading it. He reminds me very much of David Sedaris. It's his story of how he ended up in rehab for drinking, and his life in recovery afterward.
Tuesdays are generally my bad day at work. So far, things have been uncharacteristically quiet, and I am hoping that it stays that way. I really could use another uneventful day where I don't have any customers threaten to kill me/maim my offspring/put curses on me. You think I'm kidding? People take chemicals way too seriously. I didn't know this, but for example say a large soap company (I'm not naming any names) orders a huge load of chemicals they need to produce their soap. I work in the electronic ordering department, and let's say the order gets lost out in cyberspace somewhere and doesn't deliver on time. Then as a result, we "shut down" their plant, which pretty much means that they can lose up to $500,000 a day because their plant isn't producing and they have their employees just sitting around doing nothing. We've even been sued before, many times, for shutting down a customer's plant because we didn't get chemicals to them on time. So pretty much any time there is any sort of delay, whether it be a computer glitch or the truck driver that is delivering their order quitting and walking off the job, the customer then calls me and rips me a new one. Aren't you jealous of me? See why I'm on anxiety drugs?
I simply must find a new job. After working in the IT segment for so long, I'm afraid this is a little too customer service for my liking. There just aren't any jobs out there right now.
I'm supposed to go have lunch today with an old coworker. I'd rather just sit at my desk and finish my book, but I already promised that I would go. Awww, man! I'm sick of the deli downstairs anyway. At least she's picking me up at the front door and I won't have to drive anywhere....
Changing the subject, after going to San Antonio this past weekend, I think about what my life would be like if I lived there. I have a secure predictable life here in Houston.....what would my life be like somewhere else? What would I be like somewhere else?
I think about times in my life where I thought that escaping somewhere else would remedy all my problems, however sure enough they found me rather quickly. I did that back in 1997 when I suddenly decided I had to get out of College Station. I was living with Seth at the time, and he was devastated that I'd pick up and leave like that, however I had to leave. I moved back in with my parents at 25 years old until I could find a job and save enough money to move out. I was that desperate. I had to get out of College Station before it killed me because Seth and I were still acting like we were 20 years old and still in college, and we just couldn't go out every night of the week and transition into grown-up-hood. Is that a word? Anywho, if you think my stories about getting drunk here in Houston are bad, you should have seen my life in College Station. There I drank so much that I developed an allergy to alcohol, and if I planned on drinking I had to take benadryl first otherwise I'd turn bright red and throw up. It was not cute....
So I moved to Houston, and all was well. At least for a while. I met a nice guy named Shannon that I started dating, and after only about a month of living with the parents, I found a job and got a swinging bachelor pad not far from where I live now. When I'm in that neighborhood, I still drive by and look at that old apartment and think of the good times I had there. It was my first apartment in the big city.
Back to my story...so everything was copacetic for a few months until Shannon and I started to bicker, at which point I started to drop him off at his apartment in anger, and then stop at the convenience store and pick up a 12 pack of beer on my way home. Unfortunately, doing this only twice became a routine for me.
One weekend, Seth was in town, and I desperately wanted to go out that night and get drunk with him. Shannon and I hadn't been getting along well for a while, mainly because he started saying the same things that all the guys I'd gone out with before had always said: Why do I drink so fast? Am I even interested in sex with him? Why don't I even communicate how I am feeling?
So I dumped him. I dumped him cold that afternoon so I could go out and get drunk with Seth that night. That is one of the things I am most ashamed of in my life. Granted, Shannon and I had no business dating, whether I was sober or not. We just had nothing in common. However I should have never done it that way. To further screw the pooch on that one, I went out with Seth, got loaded, and somehow or another ended up making out with him at Rich's in full view of everyone on the dance floor. Word got back to Shannon, and it was not pretty.
After that, relations with Shannon were very shaky, however since then we have made up. One night I ran into him out at JR's, and I sincerely apologized for treating him so badly. That's when I found out that later he and Seth ran into each other out and ended up going home and sleeping together! Seth neglected to tell me that.
I find it hard to believe that all that went on 6 years ago.
I just got a call from my mother. My cat I've had for 18 years died. She was in the backyard last night when there was a sudden rainstorm. She drowned in about 5 inches of water. My dad was also put in the hospital last night because his fever was around 104 degrees. They're desperate to try to get his fever down.
I'm thinking I'm going to leave work and be with my family.
9:04 a.m. - 2004-06-15
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