Welcome to my happily ever after...
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not again
Carlos and I are going to end up breaking up. We just aren't into it anymore. Or at least I'm not. I love him, however I just don't think that I am in love with him anymore. The thought of continuing our relationship just sounds painful.
We fight so darn often about sex. If he had his way, I'd have my legs in the air 24/7, and as everyone here knows, I am not a bottom. He refuses to give up his ass as well, so pretty much we're at a stalemate. I just am not that interested in him sexually anymore, and although I haven't come out and actually said that, he knows that of course. We still go through the motions about once a week or so, however we just go through the motions to get it over with.
We went out to meet Mario for drinks last night, and at JRs was the dancer that Carlos thinks is so hot. He mentioned in the past how he'd touched the dancer's dick when he tipped him. I made a comment that if I had said something like that, I'd be apologizing for a week to get him to stop pouting. I mean really, he could go fellate the damn dancer for all I care...I'm not the jealous type. So I decided I'd play it cool the rest of the night and pout a bit just to show him how miserable being around a pouter is. Again, I wasn't mad at all, but rather pretending to be mad. However Carlos got in defensive mode and made some dumb comment stating "Well, when we have sex you can't make me cum anyways. I end up having to jerk myself off."
Umm....hold up. It is on now.
It's not my fault he can't cum. It's certainly not from lack of effort on my part. I have been livid since he said that.
So when he gets home from work around 5 we are going to discuss what is going on between us. I'm not sure what I'm going to say at this point. I just know that it certainly can't continue the way things are right now. I fantasize sometimes about being single again, yet the reality of it I'm sure will be a different story. Yet part of loving someone is being able to let them go when necessary.
I've been down this road so many times in my life where I've ended relationships with guys that I thought was the perfect guy for me. I'm like the gay Elizabeth Taylor.
So far I've been Jonathan Smith Krause Wunch Brooks Evans Wiskur Johnson Martinez.
I'm really not so much of a whore as I am just indecisive.
3:03 p.m. - 2004-02-21
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