Welcome to my happily ever after...
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I could die
OMG...I am so embarrassed that I can hardly type this. Have I ever mentioned that I have an 80 year old landlord, Mr. Helms? He's an affable chap, however like most men his age, he is hard of hearing. Much like my dad, I don't think it's necessarily his ears that are the problem, but rather that he hears selectively.
I called him yesterday to let him know that the light fixture on the ceiling over our toilet fell out of the ceiling. Our upstairs neighbor has a penchant for overflowing their tub, and if I had a dollar for every time our ceiling has been soaked, I'd be rich. They are in their 80s as well. Anywho, from getting wet time and time again, the sheetrock started to crumble and there wasn't anything to anchor the light fixture to. As a result, it was dangling from the wires.
When I called Mr. Helms, I told him the problem and made sure to say twice that the ceiling isn't wet right now. Well, about five minutes later, he calls back and says that the upstairs neighbor would have a plumber in right away to see what the problem was. Again, I had to reinterate that the problem was not that the ceiling was wet NOW, but from the upstairs neighbors' forgetfulness in the past. He didn't listen.
So when I get home, there's a geriatric pandemonium going on. I have three of my other elderly neighbors waiting for me to make sure there isn't some sort of torrential flood going on in my condo. Apparently Mr. Helms put out the geriatric bat signal, and seeing as everyone that lives here is retired, they have nothing to do but worry all day long. After assuring everyone repeatedly that things are ok, I make it in the house. I then got two calls that night from other neighbors checking as well. Geez Louise. I never noticed that Carlos and I are the youngest residents here by like 50 years.
So when I come home today, my light was fixed. Mr. Helms came and fixed it himself when Carlos and I were gone. Panic time! I didn't figure he'd come so quickly, and Carlos and I didn't have time to "prepare". Well, remember how we bought that dildo off Todd's website? Well, it has a suction cup on one end, and this morning I thought it would be really funny to stick it to the mirror when Carlos was in the shower as a joke. Carlos was in a hurry and just left it there.
I assume Mr. Helms didn't fall down dead out of shock because I didn't find his withered old body anyone in here. The dildo was still stuck to the bathroom mirror right where I left it.
I could just die.
8:20 p.m. - 2004-01-27
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