Welcome to my happily ever after...
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self-diagnosis blues
Since this week has been all about self-discovery, I will recap all the things I have discovered about myself:
I have the "grass is always greener" syndrome. This is evidenced by all the jobs I have quit to move to somewhere new that I thought would be better. In each case I was wrong.
I have the "anywhere but here" syndrome. This is evidenced by my proven track record of wallowing in my memories.
As pointed out by Ryan, my risky behavior is directly related to how depressed I am. In the case of the last week, I was desperate to connect with others, and as a result I went to an orgy and really connected.
Reach out...reach out and touch someone....
Holy shit. I should go into business and charge others to analyze them. Don't you love my clinical diagnos-es?
Speaking of bad behavior, I had sex again last night with the 18 year old. I accidentally left my belt at Kyle's place the other night, and so I stopped on the way home from work last night to retrieve it. When I go inside, he asked me if I wanted something to drink, so I said "sure....a coke is fine."
So I sip my Coke and we sat on the couch talking about our how our day went. I knew what he was up to....but I fell for it. He asked if he could suck my dick, so I said sure. Cut to five minutes later, and there were are again in his bed with his legs up on my shoulders. Only this time I stayed long enough to fuck him twice. Eek.
When I was leaving his apartment, he told me that at 32 years old, I needed to find someone to settle down with. I hope he wasn't meaning himself. The boy is a freshman in college. I can't afford to put another boyfriend through school....
What's that saying? Once is recreation, twice is courtship? Oh dear.
And he sent me an email earlier today. This was copied directly from it:
We should do something again for sure.
What is your night like tonight? I'd love to make out with you, suck you, and have you to fuck my nice tight ass.
Kyle
Oh dear. This boy is 18 years old! I hope I haven't created a monster. But what's that line from Basic Instinct? Something like:
But I liked fucking him. He gave me a lot of pleasure.
He sure did.
2:09 p.m. - 2003-11-14
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