Welcome to my happily ever after...
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�ayiee-aaaaahh-aieeeh�
I�m doing a rare weekend entry today. I�m not sure what�s gotten into me. I think I just have a lot to say and I�m afraid if I wait until tomorrow, I might forget something. Anywho, the weekend is almost over. I can�t say that I did anything really productive. I ate the whole weekend. Remember how I said I was going to try to put on 15 lbs? Well, I weighed myself today at the gym, and I�ve put on 4 lbs since Monday. Oink.
For some reason, I couldn�t sleep this morning, and I got up and went to Walmart at 6:45 AM. Let me tell you, the people that shop at that time of the day were downright scary. When I was putting everything in my trunk, an Asian woman ran up to me and screamed at me in what I believe was Chinese. I never did figure out what the heck that was about.
That reminds me, does any else watch Crank Yankers on Comedy Central? Carlos and I saw the one where they call the sex line and tell the lady to pretend she�s Asian and yell �Asian� stuff while he put the phone on the other guy�s balls? I know it sounds horrible, but Carlos and I busted a gut on that one. We�ve been running around for two days saying �ayiee-aaaaahh-aieeeh�. If you saw it, you know what I mean. That show rocks.
Back to Walmart. I bought $145 worth of groceries and found it mildly amusing when I was checking out, I had to following conversation with the overly obese checkout lady.
�I can tell you�re single....you bought all bachelor food.�
�Well, actually I�m not. I just buy a lot of frozen dinners because I eat alone most nights.�
�Honey, eating like this is going to take a toll on you after awhile. You should try those frozen bag meals by Lean Cuisine. They�re pretty low fat.....�
�Yeah, I�ll have to check them out....�
I suddenly realized I was being given a sermon on the virtues of healthy living by a 400 lb woman at Walmart. I shit you not.
Anywho, Friday night Carlos got home from work around 9, and Mario came over to pick him up so they could go see Underworld. I stayed home. I have severely different taste in movies than those two. They are chomping at the bit right now waiting for the 3rd Matrix to come out. I�d rather sit through a back to back matinee of Gigli and Swept Away than see another Matrix movie. But I digress....
Oh yeah, Mario is always dieting, and as a result he has a closet full of clothes that he never wears. He�s down to like a 29 waist, and I personally think he�s too thin, but no one else will back me up. Anywho, when he came over to get Carlos, he came in with two shopping bags full of clothes. You are going to love this....remember how I said that Mario has the worst taste of anyone I have ever seen? Well, he brought those clothes over to me because they were all size 30 waist pants, which is my size. Also, he gave me all his size medium shirts. It is the ugliest bunch of crap I have ever seen, yet I know they all cost a fortune because they�re all brands like Diesel and Joseph Abboud. Who the heck buys red paisley bermuda shorts? They�re so long that they look like freaking culottes on me. So now I have to figure out how I�m going to get rid of this ugly stuff. Ugh. I appreciate the gift, but lord have mercy. And isn�t it funny that I just wrote about how ugly his clothes are after he wore that womans vest out last Friday night?
So back to Friday night, K called around 9:30 and asked me to meet her at the Greek Festival. I threw some clothes on and ran out the door. Finding parking was super fun, but all in all, it was a good time. Julie was there, and she and I are a mess when we�re together. Something about her makes me act like a hetero, and I sometimes wake up the next day after going out with them and wonder, �Why did I keep grabbing her boobies all night?�. Well probably because she asked me to.
So at the Greek Fest, I ate something that definitely didn�t agree with me, and then drinking 4789908 beers on top on that didn�t help much. Poor Carlos. When he got home from the movie, I was sleeping on the bathroom floor which is where I passed out after tossing my cookies. I really wasn�t drunk, but the throwing up action made me feel like shit all day yesterday, and as a result, Carlos and I pretty much lay around and watched TV. We rented �The Gift� and then felt like dumbasses when they showed it on TNT all weekend. I liked the movie, but I didn�t think it was supernatural enough. And there were so many characters that they didn�t really do much with. How on earth did they get so many big name actors in one movie and they didn�t even really DO anything? For example, that was the first movie Hillary Swank did after winning the Oscar, and she really only was in two or three scenes. And I don�t know if I�ll ever get over seeing Joey Potter�s jugs. Word.
I love me some Cate Blanchett though. I think I�d eat her pussy. Yes indeed.
Last night, Carlos went to a birthday party for his best friend, and I stayed home and watched mucho television. I�m up to episode 17 on my Alias DVD. Speaking of, Alias is on tonight! Was I the only one that didn�t really dig last week�s episode? I guess I just don�t like change much, and now this whole season is going to be her trying to figure out where she�s been for the last two years. I�m sure this will entail many flashback scenes. I just hope they flash back to her kicking that ass.
Anyone want a free cat? Mine is getting on my last gay nerve. He keeps throwing up everywhere, and instead of just throwing up on the tile, as my whole house has tile floors, I think he thinks he�s doing me a favor my throwing up on my shoes, the couch, on the shower curtain (don�t ask). The problem is that he doesn�t like his Safeway brand cat food as he likes Fancy Feast which is $.50 a can, and to punish me, he makes himself throw up. I told you he was the reincarnation of Karen Carpenter.
4:26 p.m. - 2003-10-05
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