Welcome to my happily ever after...
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something has gotta give
Tonight is the night that Carlos gets out of class at 4:30. I'm seriously not looking forward to spending that much time with him tonight, as retarded as that sounds. He is my live-in boyfriend, and I dread having to spend time with him. I have been so ticked off with him the last few nights that I've enjoyed having the house to myself.
Our relationship is crumbling around me, and something has got to be done, one way or the other. Either I have to decide that it's worth fighting for and stick to that, or we need to cut our losses and move on. I know how I am though...I'm not going to want to hurt his feelings and will do everything I can to make him break up with me. And trust me, that will never happen. Carlos knows where his bread is buttered.
I just don't think that I am relationship material. After a couple of years, I just lose interest. Carlos I feel lost any real interest in anything to do with me a long time ago though as well...granted he wants to live and have sex with me, but I can't even get him to listen to me when I talk. I've said this before, but if someone put a gun to his head and asked him what I do for a living or die, he'd get shot. He has no idea because he just doesn't ask. About anything.
Last night I accidentally banged my head on the kitchen cabinet doors, and when I went to have him take a look at it, he said "well you're not bleeding..." like shut up and leave me alone unless it's important. Maybe I wasn't bleeding, but it still hurt! Gimme some sympathy here please.
You know I do the cooking, the cleaning, buy all the groceries, pay for all the groceries, pay for when we eat out, pay for when we go out, pay the rent, all the utilities. Granted, he is student teaching this semester and doesn't have any free time to cook, clean, shop, but still. He didn't do that even before he was teaching. I just feel something that he realized how lucky he has it and doesn't want to mess with that while he can't afford to do anything else. That's what happened with my sister and her husband. She suppported the family while he was in law school, and then as soon as he was done, he left her for another woman. Granted, she's a cuntbooger, but that's beside the point.
I guess I'm just going to have to have a heart to heart with him tonight and try to figure out what we are going to do. Something has gotta give soon.
2:20 p.m. - 2003-09-23
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