Welcome to my happily ever after...
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Coach and DOP
Let's discuss the gym. I just got back from my daily torture hour, and I have a few things I'd like to get off my chest.
#1) Have I ever mentioned "Coach"? Coach is a older man that hangs out at the gym, and whether I go before work, on lunch, or after work, he is always there. No, he doesn't work there, but he does wear khakis and a black polo type shirt so he will look like he does. In fact, I have never seen him wear anything but this one outfit. From what I can gather, he is a retired football coach, and just like my father, he isn't adjusting well to not having anything to do all day. So I am assuming that he hangs out at the gym all day just to have somewhere to go. I think that he volunteers to hand out fliers when the gym is promoting something, and I find it funny when he runs around policing all the rules and regulations since he "works" there. For example, I heard him bark at someone today "Hey! You aren't supposed to have your gym bag on the workout floor! Can't you read the signs?!!".
Yes, people just fucking love Coach.
A few weeks ago, I was standing there doing the tricep pulldown when I hear "Hey! You aren't ever going to do any good if you don't keep your elbows by your side!" and then he came over and demonstrated how I was supposed to be doing it. I knew I wasn't doing it the standard way...if I do it that way, it puts tension on my abs.
Rule # 1 of gym ettiquette: you never, never ever insinuate that someone is doing something wrong unless you a personal trainer and are being PAID for that. I'm pretty sure Coach could tell by the look in my eyes that he better leave me the fuck alone otherwise I might swing the bar around and clock him in the head. He avoids me now. Good.
So going back to my dad and Coach not having anything to do, my mom told me that my dad will go to Randall's, the local grocery store where they live, and sit there with other retired men for hours and shoot the shit. Apparently there's a pack of retired men that have nothing to do, and they all meet and drink coffee while discussing how miserable they are. It's very sad. And remember, my mom went back to teaching (partly just to get out of the house during the day), and as a result, my dad is alone all day long.
So when my dad gets tired of Randall's, he will drive around looking for someone to give him some attention. When I bought my new car, the local branch of my insurance company told me that my dad will go up there just to hang out until they practically have to shoo him off. I apologized and prayed to God they didn't drop my policy.
#2) There is a Dirty Old Pervert at the gym that follows me around so when I go to take my shower to go back to work, he can follow me in the shower room and look at me naked. I am not kidding.
Rule # 2 of gym ettiquette: I don't care who are are, Brad Pitt, Heidi Klum, whomever, you just do not overtly stare and gawk at people while they are working out. Also, if you must sneak glances, fucking sneak them. And most of all, do not stroke yourself while looking at them in the shower.
I saw DOP when he got there today, and it was a good 45 minutes after I did. So 5 minutes later when I went to take my shower, guess who followed me in there? You guessed it, DOP. I hope he got a lot out of his 5 minute workout. I've just decided that I'm going to ignore him, but so far he doesn't seem to get the clue. In fact, even though I sound like a huge woman in my diary, if you saw me at the gym, you probably wouldn't be able to tell I was gay, unless maybe I was listening to Britney while I was working out, but anywho. So I was hoping he'd just think I was straight, but that was shot to hell a couple of weeks ago when he saw me at Meteor.
I just don't understand. He has followed me around for the last 6 months. He knows that I know he's stalking me. Does he think that eventually I'm going to say "OMG....I've never noticed you before, but you're one fine hunk of meat."? It's not going to happen.
Give it up dude.
I wish there was a way I could take my camera to the gym and take pictures of Coach and DOP for all you guys. I think my stories are so much more interesting when I have visual aids.
12:49 p.m. - 2003-09-22
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