Welcome to my happily ever after...
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I'm a nutball
I am so crabby today that I'm even pissing myself off. I had a bad day yesterday. When I got back from lunch I got the following email from my counterpart here at work:
Jonathan29,
John Doe called about a missing file. I ran the exception report from yesterday and found the dollar amount he was looking for. I have pushed it through the system. Just wanted to let you know you accidentally overlooked it.
Thank you,
Bitchhead McGee
Now can you please explain to me what the point of that email was? If it was something that I genuinely didn't know how to do, I could understand dropping me a line so I'd know for next time. In this case, she did it just for spite. I came really close to emailing her back something akin to this:
Bitchhead,
Thank you so much for letting me know I made a mistake. This way I will definitely know not to do it next time seeing as how I only run this report 317 times a day.
In the spirit of letting people know about accidents they make, I'll make sure and let you know the next time you make one. I come across them time to time and usually just fix them without letting you know, but going forward I'll make sure to take time out of my day to let you know.
Thank you,
Jonathan29
I didn't though. She can tell that I'm pissed though by the murderous look I give her every time she walks by. I could wring her puny little neck.
In every job I've ever had before, I became good friends with my coworkers, but this bitch and I just don't click. When I started working with K at my last job, we were good buds in less than a month. Here I've worked with Bitchhead McGee for close to 7 months and we still act like we hardly know each other.
Oh well...I guess I'm not here to make people like me.
One thing that I find so strange about this place. Rather than pick up the phone and talk to someone, even if they are around the corner, they send an email. Or even worse, they call and send a voice mail, but they do it straight to your mailbox so that your phone never rings so they don't have to talk to you. It's so darn strange.
I read all these books about Buddhist principles, and one of the biggest ones is that even when someone does you really, really wrong, you should love them even more for some reason or another. This I am having a really hard time with.
I have always had such problems with anger. I get mad and do and say the most horrible things, and about one second after I do it, I realize what I've done wrong. I've really worked on that in the last few years, and now I find that I just hold everything in until I finally just explode. Sometimes unfortunately my explosion isn't always aimed at the right person, and that makes things even worse. I let people make me so mad sometimes that I can't even see straight. Why do I let people have such control over me? I know that the problem isn't necessarily everyone else, but rather the issue is how I am reacting to them.
I have never handled criticism well. I see some people that just let it roll off their back and wish I could handle it that way. In my case, I remember things that my supervisor told me in my review in 1995, and I still lie in bed at night and think about what was said and how angry I got. Isn't that nuts?
9:55 a.m. - 2003-08-08
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