Welcome to my happily ever after...
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brain avalanche
My, my I have been a naughty boy. I've gone so incredibly long without updating my diary. However, I made a pact with myself that I wouldn't write anymore unless I had something meaningful to write about. I get so sick of looking back at my old entries and seeing day after day where I complain about the same old things.
I went to Dallas for my Memorial Day weekend. It was a very interesting trip indeed, and I came home in my usual melancholic state after seeing Seth. Having dated him for four years, we know each other better than anyone else on the planet. I have to make sure and include Carlos in the conversation when Seth and I are together because we can quite easily communicate without speaking one word.
Typically, any time that Seth and I would get together, it would lead to a knock down drag out with Carlos for some reason or another; however, the last few times we've been together, Carlos was on his best behavior. I think he's seeing that there is absolutely no chance of Seth and I getting back together.
Seth and I have known each other for ten years now. TEN YEARS! That's a long time considering I'm 31 years old now. I've known him 1/3 of my life.
For so long, even after we broke up, we were each other's confidants. We would bring home our respective dating woes and lie them at each other's feet as a dog would the family newspaper. I think that secretly we were jealous of each other's romantic exploits, yet we were just happy to be privy to what was going on.
You know, I see people in my life that had one true love in their lives, yet for some reason things just didn't, or even better couldn't, work out. That is Seth and me. Don�t dare ever tell Carlos that.
Seth and I couldn't get along because you can't grow and maintain the garden of a relationship when your together time is always at a bar. I see him going down that road with his current boyfriend. I say that....they do go out almost every night there in Dallas. Yet they've been together four years now, and although they do have some bumps along the way, they seem to be doing well. In fact, they just bought a house together, something I would never even think of doing with Carlos.
I find myself sometimes jealous of the life that Seth has there in Dallas. He has tons of good friends, most of whom live literally across the hall from him in his current apartment. He just bought a house next door to another good friend. I don�t have anything even remotely like that in my life. I have a couple of acquaintances, however no one that I can tell anything even remotely private about my life. Case in point, JR, a guy that I work with. He really tries to be my friend. He invites me out with him all the time, and I always find some excuse not to go. Perhaps I�m just past the whole bar thing, but nonetheless, someone is trying to be my friend and I�m not being receptive to it. What�s my deal?
Carlos says that I should be ashamed of myself....that I should be friends with anyone who makes the effort. I on the other hand think that the good things about friends are the things you have in common. Call me crazy.
Man, this has been a random entry. I feel better though.
3:49 p.m. - 2003-05-29
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