Welcome to my happily ever after...
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various vices
Well, it was bound to happen sooner or later...Carlos and I got into a knock down drag out last night. I got up around 2 AM to pee and get a drink of water, and when I got back in bed, my cat jumped up there with me and Carlos got angry and pushed him off the bed. I didn't really care for that, but I didn't say anything...the first time. When he did it again, that's when I lost it and told him to stop. He got mad, grabbed his pillow and told me he was going to sleep on the couch. I said that sounded absolutely wonderful. I knew it wouldn't last though because he can never let sleeping dogs lie (namely me), and within 2 minutes he was at the door. We bicker for a while, he throws the covers off onto the ground on the foot of the bed, and that was the point at which I lost it. I'm sure my neighbors were loving me at 2 AM yelling my head off telling him how ungrateful he is for everything.
To make a short story long, I finally just told him to get his pillow, come back to bed, and we would talk about it this morning. We kinda tiptoed around the subject when I was in the shower but still haven't really discussed the subject at length. I need to get my head together before then and ascertain what the real issue is because you and I both know that it's not about my cat.
I have been a workout fool lately. Every day when I get off work I head straight to the gym, and I know that I need to take a day off but I can't seem to make myself. I have always been a bit obsessive about things that I find I like: porn, drinking, exercise. When I went through my period of unemployment and couldn't find a job, my routine was to go work out for 2 or 3 hours, sit in the steam room to try to sweat out the alcohol from the night before, go home and surf the net looking at porn, eat dinner, then polish off a 12 pack of beer sitting there watching TV. Then I'd get up the next day and do it all over again. Talk about being in a rut...that was a death wish.
So where am I now? I rarely, and I mean VERY rarely have drinks anymore, and when I do, it's out with friends and not home by myself like before. Well, except for last Saturday night when Carlos was gone. The bad thing was that once I did that even once, it got my brain churning, wondering when Carlos will be gone again so I can do it again. He was supposed to go visit his family and spend the night this Friday night, and I already knew that it was a done deal...I'd end up going to the store, picking up some beer, and having a party for one. However his plans changed and he's only going for the day on Sunday now. I know it's for the best...I do! But a little tiny part of me still has that programming left in me.
So that's the drinking...the porn you ask? Well, when I moved to my new apartment, somehow or another I fucked up my computer and it's dead. As a freaking doornail. So no more porn. Smoking? Only when I drink (see above). Now my vice is exercise. Only I can take a "good" thing and make it an excessive habit.
And what am I going home on lunch today and doing? Going home to pack my gym bag...
8:47 a.m. - 2003-04-15
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