Welcome to my happily ever after...
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WWIII
Last night was terrible. I went home from work and cooked a really big dinner because Carlos was coming over and spending the night to continue our "practicing" living together. I made fried chicken, mashed potatoes, corn, and gravy, and we ate while watching TV. Things went without incident.....or at least for a while, that is.
At 6:50, my mom called, so I answered and took the phone in the bedroom. We talk about 15 minutes, and after I hang up, I go back in the living room and ask Carlos what I'd missed on the first 5 minutes of Buffy. He told me that he wasn't going to tell me because I should have been in there to see it. I sense attitude, but I ignore it and just ask "Pleeeease tell me....".
No, he won't tell me. He's mad that I talked on the phone to my mother. At that point, we get into it. He tells me that he doesn't like feeling that I'm ignoring him, and I try to argue and tell him that if talking to my mother makes him feel ignored, then he's going to feel that way quite often. It was my mom for god's sake.
You would think that he'd be on his best behavior still seeing as how he's barely even moved in yet.
So I just stay in the bedroom and finally just go to bed around 7:45. Needless to say, I got lots of sleep last night. When we woke up this morning, I didn't mention last night, but boy have I been thinking about it.
You know, he's always been like this to a degree. If even after we've been together 24/7 for days, and I take a bath and read in the tub, he'll stand at the door and look at me and say "You make me feel like I'm not even here." Whaaaatttt?
Am I just making a big deal out of something that's not important so I can sabotage things? Or is this something that is really a big deal? I know myself pretty well after 31 years. I know with 100% accuracy that I am guilty of finding fault with Carlos so I can justify doing or not doing things. I honestly had the best intentions last night though. I wanted to have a nice quiet evening with no conflict.
How will I ever be able to keep any friends if Carlos is going to act that way if I'm not in the room with him at all times? How will I ever be able to talk on the phone to anyone?
I want to go out Saturday night with my friend Rob for example. K's husband's birthday party is a club downtown, and I'm invited and can bring one guest. I haven't seen Rob in months, and I think I'd enjoy hanging out with him for a while. Read between the lines...that means that I don't particularly want Carlos to go, but I figured that we could all hook up later and go somewhere else. Well, I know how it's going to turn out. WWIII.
I personally think that it's healthy for couples to do things separately. I think unless you experience things without the other, eventually what will you have to talk about?
"How was your day?"
"Well, you know...you were there."
7:56 a.m. - 2002-12-18
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