Welcome to my happily ever after...
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Bah humbug!
Lunch was quiet. I didn't end up getting to go to the library because guess what? Today is Veteran's Day, and opportunistic organizations like the Houston Public Library are going to take every possible opportunity to have a day off. I am jealous. Can't you tell?
So I just got some take out and sat at my desk reading Self magazine. They have good beauty tips. I took a quiz from an old issue, and guess what? I have extremely heavy periods. I could have told you that before I answered all those questions.
I'm having a bit of a day. You know the kind where you are sitting in a room full of people, yet you still feel absolutely alone. I'm not sure why I'm having a Sybil moment, but I am fortunate that they don't kick in very often. I'm going to Carlos' house tonight. I think I could use the company. Between that and watching "Girlfriends", I should be good to go.
I have never particularly been the type that had to have others around to feel whole. In fact, I am quite the contrary. I can go for days without and human contact and feel quite satiated. Seth in Dallas has always been the kind that has to have someone around to entertain him, and I have never really understood that. Perhaps it's a fear of dealing with himself.
Lately though I've been wanting to be around others a bit more. The weather? Who knows.
Speaking of being around others, the holidays are precariously close. I have never been fond of them. I associate holidays with being dragged to Grandma's house and held prisoner. After we eat turkey and dressing, the men retire to the living room to watch the game. The women end up in the living room to gossip and chat. I have never really fit in either place, and I usually end up going out for a drive for some sort of release.
I find it interesting that none of my relatives ever ask about my personal life. Years, and I mean years ago, they would ask if I had a girlfriend. Now there is no mention about my life at all....almost as if I'm a monk or a priest. That hurts a bit.
Poor Carlos has never had a home life. For the last few years, he spent the holidays with his best friend's family....but I am sad to say that friend is still in a coma. I would love to spend Thanksgiving with Carlos; however finding the balls to refuse to go the Grandma's is the tough part. She's 86 years old...what if this is her last?
I'm 30 years old. Why do I allow my family to make me feel like I'm still in high school?
2:44 p.m. - 2002-11-11
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