Welcome to my happily ever after...
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I've been a bad bad girl,
I've been careless with a delicate man.
And it's a sad sad world,
When a girl can break a boy
just because she can.
Don't you tell me to deny it,
I've done wrong and I want to
Suffer for my sins.
I've come to you 'cause I need
Guidance to be true
And I just don't know where I can begin.
What I need is a good defense
'Cause I'm feelin' like a criminal.
And I need to be redeemed
To the one I sinned against
because he was all I ever knew of love.
I have been a bad, bad girl. I have been off work for the last three days, and like I have said many, many times before, time off only brings out my naughty nature.
During my year breakup with Carlos, I met a guy that has group sex parties at his house. Well, I was online Friday afternoon and he messaged me telling me he was having a get-together. I was horny so I decided to show up. I wouldn't have gone for fear that ugly people were there, but he sent me a pic of guy that was there, and I am picky...so he emailed me a pic of a guy that was there. He was hot. So I went.
Well, when I got there, the hot guy was on his way out the door because I spent so much time getting ready and driving over there. So there were three guys left....one asleep, one so fat so made Jabba the Hut look like Calista Flockhart, and the host. Well, I am not attracted the host, when I got there, he asked if I wanted the fat guy to blow me. So I let him...even though he totally grossed me out. I was being nice.
I just closed my eyes and thought of Justin Timberlake. I managed to come and then ran out the door.
What the hell was I thinking? Man, Carlos would first break up with me, then kill me.
What was I thinking? I love Carlos.
Remember my no-smoking thing? Well, fuck that. I have smoked more in the last three days than in the last three months. Probably a pack a day. So much for self control.
Self control. While I am on that subject, I must mention that I have gotten drunk for the third time since Thursday. I am not proud of myself. Trust me.
I am quite drunk right now. By myself. I turned down a night out with my friends and Carlos so I could stay home and drink alone.
Something has got to give.
9:19 p.m. - 2002-09-01
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