Welcome to my happily ever after...
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Destiny's Children
I have had a very alcoholic weekend. I went on a bit of a bender, and I am not feeling too terribly perky today. I'm not sure what exactly set me off, but I ended up getting drunk three nights in a row. Last night was the worst because I lied to Carlos and told him that I was spending the night at my mom's house so that way he would leave and go out with his friends. Why the hell do I do that? This is not how I want to live my life.
It's like smoking. I have made a solemn pledge to quit at least 4000 times. And each and every time, I really do mean it. At least for about three hours, then I'm at the corner market picking up yet another pack. I swore that when I got back from Cleveland things would be different...that was my chance to come back here and do the right thing.
Carlos has really been wanting to talk about living together. Ya know, in the long run it might be the best thing in the world for me. No drinking at home alone, no smoking (he hates it), no sitting online for hours looking at porn. But am I ready to make a commitment like that? I don't know.
I love the thought of waking up next to him day after day. Really I do. However we get on each other's nerves after only a day or two together because he requires so much attention. Sometimes I'll go take a bath or something and he will come to the door and say "You make me feel like I'm not even here...." Well, after spending 48 hours together, I just need 15 minutes of alone time. He doesn't understand that.
Did I mention that we were riding our bikes in Midtown yesterday and we came across Destiny's Child's recording studio? It wasn't well disguised...it had about a 40 foot picture of them on the side wall. There was a huge iron gate going around the whole complex, and there were about ten black Lincoln Navigators parked outside. Beyonce is my homegirl. And Kelly is the only girl I know that can get away with wearing shorts and boots together. I have no use for the other one....she's not from Houston.
Why isn't it Destiny's Children?
Food for thought.
10:12 a.m. - 2002-08-11
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