Welcome to my happily ever after...
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coming back
I think I now remember what pissed me off so much about Carlos. Jealousy.
I have been emailing back and forth with him all morning. Well, at one point, he asked what I was doing tonight, and I responded by saying "Going to dinner with my friend Rex."
I knew better than to do that. Really, I did. Things like this caused HUGE problems in the months first following out breakup.
So after I didn't hear anything for two hours, I wrote back and asked if something was wrong, and I still never heard anything. So I write and said something to the effect of "you don't want to date me so you can't expect me to just sit at home and pine away for you."
Well, trust me, that did it, and he let me have it. We aren't even really speaking now because I told him to leave me alone for the rest of the day.
I started the whole thing, I know it.
Have I ever mentioned that I absolutely loathe every one of Carlos' friends? I mean, I have a hard time finding a redeemable quality in any of them. They all hate me as well...in fact Carlos told me that they were all concerned that he and I had been talking lately and that they expected more from the next person that Carlos goes out with.
They don't like me because I am white. They are all hispanic. Why should that make a difference?
To tell the truth, Carlos' disinterest in me has been a bitter pill to swallow. A jagged little pill to quote Miss Alanis. And perhaps my sensitivity to the matter is why I created this drama today. Perhaps I wanted him to know I was going out tonight.
You know, things are always rosier in retrospect. It is amazing the last couple of months I could only remember all the good things about Carlos's and my relationship. I managed to forget the bickering, the nasty fights, the jealousy. I had forgotten how I stayed home every weekend by myself while he went out dancing until 3 AM with his friends. I had forgotten how I had completely stopped any contact with my friends because Carlos didn't like to be around them.
Well, now I remember.
To quote another diva, the great Celine Dion, "it's all coming back to me now...."
11:12 a.m. - 2002-05-29
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