Welcome to my happily ever after...
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silver lining
My dinner last night with Carlos was bittersweet. We had good conversation, a few laughs, and good food. I then dragged him to Home Depot to look at paint samples because I plan to paint my living room sometime soon. I think I was just trying to drag out the time so I could spend some more time with him. It worked.
I am playing with fire today. I emailed him today and told him that I missed him. Man, I know that is so unfair of me to have done that, but I felt like it was something that I needed to do. I got this response:
"my heart has finally healed and I am doing everything in my power to keep it protected. I won't promise you anything right now....as of now, all I can offer is my friendship......that is all I can say....."
I wasn't asking him to get back together with me. I was just telling him something. It was a jolt nonetheless.
I don't have any grand plans this weekend other than going out for a few drinks tomorrow night with my girls at the Barn. I figure that a night out might do me some good.
I got a question the other day from someone who emailed and asked if I am struggling with alcohol, how can I go out for drinks? Shouldn't I be a complete teetotaler? Well, when I go out I am a control freak, and I would never compromise that control I keep over myself in public. At home though is another story, so I can't allow myself to keep liquor in my house. I'm a secret drunk, and quite frankly, all of my friends would be shocked to learn that I have a problem with alcohol. I am always the one who drives and takes care of everyone else after they drink too much. Go figure, huh...
Today is going so slow! But I get to go eat Chinese in 15 minutes! See, there's a silver lining in every cloud.
9:10 a.m. - 2002-05-17
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