Welcome to my happily ever after...
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Mary, Mary, quite contrary...
I find myself so nostalgic these last few months. I sit around and think of days gone by, and the fascinating part is that I really hated the things that were going on during those times. Why do I look back so fondly now? Perhaps it is like a quote I found in a book I read called The Farewell Symphony by Edmund White that goes like this:
"I always told myself that my young adult life was a practice rehearsal for something else great to come, and although I hated those experiences at the time, I now look back with a kind of fondness because I know it would be the only performance I would ever know."
I think that sums things up nicely...
I really miss my youth at times, and I know that I wasted a large part of it with anger, ignorance, and insobriety.
I mentioned in an earlier entry that I have been dreaming about past experiences often lately. Recently, I dreamed that I could fly. I was in college again, and I was flying over campus really fast when I suddenly flew into a building and hurt myself quite badly. I somehow managed to get to the emergency room when I quite distinctly heard the nurse say "Okay we are equipped for this kind of emergency," and then I watched myself die. Then I woke up.
Umm...what does that mean?
Sometimes I wonder if I am too honest in my diary at times. It's like my friend Joey said in his diary once...that he sometimes censors things to keep from letting people down. I never thought people would actually read what I had to say! I'm glad that they do, and one of my hopes is that people who read it see a part of me in themselves.
Changing the subject, it's a dark rainy night outside. Perfect snuggling weather, but I don't have anyone to snuggle with. Somehow snuggling with my cat just doesn't seem like a good substitute.
This is when I need a boyfriend. When I had a boyfriend, I longed to be single. When I am single, I long for a boyfriend.
Ok...let's say it all together:
"Mary, Mary, quite contrary...."
Changing the subject yet again, I talked on the phone to my friend in Indiana. Wow...what a great guy. He would be perfect to snuggle with tonight.
7:54 p.m. - 2002-03-11
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