Welcome to my happily ever after...
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live to work...or work to live?
Sometimes I feel like all I do is work. So do I live to work? Or is it that I work to live?
The week is almost over and I can't really say that I have done much. I've been really good about going to the gym this week, and I look in the mirror and can see the results. I am fortunate in the respect that I have one of those bodies that responds quickly to exercise. A couple of years ago, I became completely addicted to exercise. I can't describe it any other way but addicted...I would work out on my lunch break and then sometimes go back that night and work out again. So I feel that maybe since I was once rather physically fit, it doesn't take long to reap the rewards. The reason I have started this again is because I need a self-esteem makeover, and it is shallow for me to say, but my self-esteem is never better than when I feel I look good. Also, I love that exercise is for no one else's benefit but MINE. After being in all these long-term relationships, it is all about me right now. I have spent so many years doing what others have wanted me to do....gone so many places I didn't want to go, tolerated so many people I don't like, etc. I am doing what Jonathan wants to do for a while.
I am now going to write about something that has been in my head, but haven't wanted to write down. Putting it in words would make me deal with it, and I wasn't ready yet.
The cop is weird. Ok, there I said it. He is secretive.
For example, I don't have his phone #. He hasn't given it to me...so every time I communicate with him, I have to email him. It's really strange...he told me that he doesn't give out his cell phone # because he is only to use that for work, yet I know he has it set up so that his phone notifies him when he has email. Isn't that considered for personal use?
Also, the few times he has called me, he blocked his phone # so it wouldn't show up on my caller ID. Just seems fishy...and I'm supposed to go see a movie with him tonight. I haven't heard from him in a while, so I don't know what the status is on that. To tell the truth, my head tells me to just walk away with my head held high (while I still can).
Let's just see which one wins the war...my head or my loins.
9:27 a.m. - 2002-01-31
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