Welcome to my happily ever after...
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I need new friends
Today I am grateful for:
- my knit hat that my friend in Cleveland made for me back in 2001. It's cold out today so I wore it to work, and it symbolizes more than just warmth for me. The woman who made it for me was a quick friend I made on an extended business trip I was on, and we bonded over cigarettes and coffee. She kept stressing to me that life was short and that I needed to learn to learn how to let the little things go. Not long after I returned to Houston, she died suddenly. I think of her often.
- for my lazy weekend. When I say lazy, I mean LAAAA-ZEEE. I watched HGTV and Lifetime movie network the whole time, and when I wasn't glued to the TV, I was sleeping. I do feel a whole buncha better this morning than I did last week as I seem to have a bit more pizazz.
- the opportunity to use the word pizazz in the bullet point above
- that I found chocolate a minute ago
OMG...I think I learned something today here at work. If I work on stuff, it makes the time go faster! Cool huh? I also learned that it makes people here like me more! I love discovery time.
So can I even begin to tell you the difference I feel in myself from last Monday and today? It's like 2 different people, and perhaps because in essence it is 2 different people.
I have my HIGH alter ego that looks and sounds like me to a point, yet makes really bad decisions. This alter ago labors fervently to try to make people like me, yet somehow manages to have the relationship souffle blow up in my face every single time. EVERY SINGLE TIME.
Then I have regular sober me that doesn't try so hard, and it's funny that when things aren't so contrived, things tend to fall into place most every time. There just isn't anything to worry about. Yeppers.
So which me sounds like the most comfortable me to be? Yeah, I agree....so why do I find myself lapsing back into alter ego me? Glutton for punishment perhaps?
One thing I always marvel at: being a gelatanous mound of low self esteem when I'm floundering to get sober must be a real turn on to the boys. EVERY time I have boys knocking on my door, and this time is no different. Of course, are they quality menz? Doubtful. Do I have any biz even conversing with these menz? NEIN!
Ok, so this sums up the kind of friends that I have: I just got a txt from an ex coworker and "friend" asking if the next time I purchase party favors to let him know so he could perhaps get some too. I txted back and said that I am on the wagon and hopefully I won't ever be ordering again. His response?
"When you fall off the wagon let me know so I can get some too."
FUCKER!
12:03 p.m. - 2009-01-12
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