Welcome to my happily ever after...
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ugh
I've been climbing the walls all weekend, and it's been a not so pleasant place to be. I haven't had this nothing to do feeling in a very, very long time, and I don't like it one bit. To try to deal with it yesterday, I just slept all day because nothing else sounded good. I tried watching both TV and movies, reading, going for a walk. I took like 5 bubble baths. I even almost went to my folks house last night, however I decided against it at the last moment.
I know exactly where this is coming from: this is the first weekend in months that I've spent the whole time alone. In fact, this is the first weekend in a year that I've had no one to spend time with because it was around this time last year that I started dating CP. I'd relapsed in October before we'd broken up, so I never spent any time learning how to be alone again because I'd already found a whole group of unsavories to hang out with. Then as soon as I cut myself off from them, I started dating the last mistake.
This is the worst feeling I've felt in a long time.
I've tried cultivating some interests lately such as yoga and working out again, however that takes like an hour, then I'm climbing the walls again looking for something to do. What happened to being content doing nothing? That feeling is completely gone.
I've lost my serenity. I'm lonely as hell. I'm bored with my own mind.
I don't like it one bit, and I seriously need to snap out of it because this is what leads to relapses.
9:48 a.m. - 2008-03-23
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