Welcome to my happily ever after...
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bursting at the seams
I recently allowed my head to get in a weird place when I got a little too close to a fellow blogger buddy, and my old patterns of behavior began to rear its ugly head when I think mild romantic feelings began to develop. When I realized I was flying a little too close to the flame, I backed off...and fast. You see, 1) if I don't allow anyone to get too close to me, then I don't run the risk of getting hurt. In addition, #2, if I do let someone get close to me and I begin to see that trouble is on the horizon, I run like mad the other way. I can't help it.
#2 is a fairly recent pattern of behavior just acquired since I've gotten sober, and I am still evaluating whether or not it's actually a bad thing. For example, if I know that someone is going to compromise my personal serenity, my common sense tells me that running the other way is not necessarily a bad thing. Problem is that when I do this with virtually everyone in my life, I am eventually going to be very, very alone. Everyone is going to disappoint me at some time or another.
Whew! I'm long winded today. However I haven't blogged in days, and I know realize this lack of blogging is precisely why I've been so discombobulated and morose this week. I have come to depend on blogging as a sort of therapy session, and once I write these thoughts and feelings, hitting submit is like releasing it to the cosmos. Hasta la bye bye.
I am however reading The Secret right now, and I wholeheartedly believe that putting things into writing makes thoughts that much more real. You become what you think about. That is why I'm trying to be rather judicious about what I write: I don't care to bring bad things to fruition.
My head is still bursting at the seams, but I'll stop there for now.
2:01 p.m. - 2007-03-09
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