Welcome to my happily ever after...
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tomorrow is another day
Honestly, I feel like I have Vaseline smeared over my eyes this morning. No matter how many times I blink, I can't get my left eye to completely focus. I must've slept like shit last night. Probably because my ass was fucking killing me.
LOL, speaking of Vaseline, I forgot to stop and buy lube on the way home from work yesterday, so I made a last minute decision to use vaseline with my new dildo. I was going to go home and practice and show Carlos when he got home from work.
I try to psych myself up. "I think I can....I think I can....no I know I can....I know I can." Deep breathing. Watch some porn.
So I lube that thing up and lube myself up a bit.
Deep breath. Here I go.
Ouch! Maybe I just need more vaseline. Tried that. Still fucking hurts!
Ok, so maybe if I stick a finger in there and loosen things up a bit first it won't hurt so much. One finger, two, three, four. Let's try it again.
Ouchie! I swear the head of this dildo is like 5 inches around. If I can just get the head in, the rest will be a piece of cake.
Maybe it's just the angle. So I lie flat on my back on the kitchen floor and try it that way. Oh, so much better! Of course, now Alex my cat is sitting there looking at me like "What is this fool doing now?". Oh Alex, the things you do for love....
Ok, it's in. Now what the hell do I do? Instead of trying to enjoy it, I'm lying there thinking "man, I just mopped the fucking floor last night and now it's covered with Vaseline".
So I push it in and out a bit, but all I really feel is an overwhelming urge to take a piss. Well, and having a 5" diameter rubber dong up your ass also kinda makes me feel like I need to do #2, even though I cleaned myself out thoroughly prior.
Apparently, I must've pumped quite a bit of air into, umm, myself, because when I pull it out, the loudest fart I have ever heard comes out of me. Is that common? Gross. It sounded like someone sat on a whoopee cushion.
At that point, I was dirty, exhausted, and have Vaseline practically on the ceiling. So I abandoned ship and gave up for the day. As the great Scarlett O'Hara once said, "tomorrow is another day". I can tell it is going to take practice, but I can do it!
(Insert Rocky theme here....)
8:40 a.m. - 2003-09-18
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