Welcome to my happily ever after...
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welling up
Rick's wake last night was beautiful and moving. I cried until I thought that I had sprained a tear duct. Carlos sat there and held my hand, and I think he himself came close to crying when Rick's sister went to the podium and spoke.
When we were driving to the funeral home, the sky was like nothing I had ever seen before. It had been cloudy and rainy most of the day, but by that point the clouds were lit up by the sun, and the sky was this orangy pink color that I will never forget. It was perfect.
The casket was open. Carlos and I couldn't bring ourselves to go look but all our other friends did. I wonder if I will regret later not walking up there to say goodbye, however I think his body was nothing but a shell at that point. His spirit was everywhere in that room, and I didn't need to walk up there to speak to him.
Although it was in Spanish, from what I could tell the minister told a story about God picking the most beautiful rose that he could find, and that Rick happened to be that rose. I'm not sure I want to know what she really said because I sure love the way that I heard it.
My eyes were so swollen and red this morning that I could barely see, and I still look like someone popped me in both eyes. Sitting here at my desk, I have welled up a couple of times today, but I am determined that no one at work will ever see me cry.
I hope I can make it through the day without losing it.
10:11 a.m. - 2002-08-13
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