Welcome to my happily ever after...
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PLEASE GOD PLEASE!
I slipped up last night. While watching "Buffy" I made a rash decision to go to the corner market and buy a 12 pack of beer. So I sat here by myself, watched TV, and drank all 12 beers. Needless to say, I called in sick to work today. I'm off work now until Tuesday, and diary, as I have stated before, extended time away from work scares me. Up until last night, work has been the one thing that has made me keep my wits about myself. Now I am fighting the urge to do the same thing all over again tonight.
But why I ask? I have felt like dog shit all day. It didn't really even feel good last night because I felt guilty the whole time. Plus I know that I am undoing all the work I have done on myself in the last nine months. It has been an uphill battle every step of the day, almost every minute of every day. There are times at work when I get stressed and all I want to do is go home and drink my cares away....but I haven't! Well, until last night of course.
I think I may be mildly depressed with my dating woes lately. Why do I let myself get into a funk just because I am not dating anyone right now?
Carlos doesn't want me back. He has made that quite clear. I have bugged him for days to go do something with me to no avail. I called him a few times last night and he wouldn't even answer his phone.
God, please, please, please give me the strength not to pull a repeat performance of last night.
PLEASE!?!
6:48 p.m. - 2002-05-22
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