Welcome to my happily ever after...
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searching
I can't believe that it's already Wednesday. I still haven't heard from my agency. Here I went in there last Thursday and have them go goo-goo telling me how they can't wait to help me, then I walk out and never hear from them again. I called Friday and Monday to see what was going on, and the diva there told me to just wait and see what happens. So finally today I sent the girl I was working with an email saying that I could guess that the client company didn't want to speak with me, but could she please let me know where things stand. That was at 8:30 this morning, and at this point I still haven't heard anything. This whole thing has me confused. Why did they call me and have me go in there if they aren't going to help me? Whatever.
Job looking has not been an easy experience by far. It's not like it was a few years ago where you just fax your resume and pray they call you. Nor are agencies the same. At one point, you could call them up and just go in to speak with them. Now they tell you to email your resume and they'll call you if you fit the profile of what they are looking for. Bummer.
To tell the truth, I haven't really seen that many jobs that I just really was all that interested in. There's one for a data analyst downtown, and I've sent my resume at least 5 times to no avail. I don't know what they are looking for that I don't have. I mean, geez, I have experience doing EVERYTHING. I've had so many jobs that I've touched on just about everything at some time or another.
This has been a bit of a blow to my self-esteem. I haven't really felt connected to...well, myself, in quite a while now. I've been searching for SOMETHING, but I honestly have no idea what it is. I just float around not really knowing where I'm going, and I really dislike that feeling.
I have been also been sitting around thinking about all the friends I've had that I've just let slip away without a second thought. I'm not sure why this is. I have never found myself to be a particularly needy person, but I am finding myself reaching out to people and then get disappointed when I don't get the response that I am looking for. I hadn't talked to Connie from my last job since January...why that is I have no idea. Out of sight out of mind? Anywho, I sent her an email last Thursday just to see how she was doing, and although she wrote me back, it wasn't with the enthusiasm I was looking for. Can I blame her?
I also had lunch with Donnie, an old friend and coworker, last week after not seeing him for close to three years. We just didn't click like we used to. I like to think that I'm the same old Jonathan....I guess that maybe I am not.
Lori, my coworker that I had so much fun with? Well, I got her a card yesterday at Target and plan to mail it today at lunch. I apologized for not keeping in touch better and told her I hoped we could get together sometime.
What am I trying to accomplish with all this? I don't know. Maybe make some sort of reparation for the bad things I've done in the past. Why? I don't know that either. And to tell the truth, all these people that I've let slip away, nothing bad happened. We just didn't stay in touch. I mean the phone works both ways, I tell myself.
I feel like I'm in some sort of 12 step program...I feel like I'm on the step where you make amends with everyone from your past that you've wronged.
I hate feeling needy. I really, really hate it. Jonathan is not a needy person. He never WAS. Jonathan has always found what he needed inside himself in the past.
What has happened to me?
11:09 a.m. - 2003-11-12
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